Tempted to Leave
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A number of years ago I started to withdraw from God's people.
Being involved in church seemed impossible because of family problems. My children had abandoned their faith. My husband's passion for God had cooled, and our marriage was taking such a hit that I wondered if it could survive much longer. My prayers seemed futile.
When I went to church, each time someone asked, "How are your daughters?" or celebrated their children's godly lives, my pain rushed to the surface.
When someone asked, "Where's Steve?" or bragged about their wonderful marriages, self-pity threatened to smother me.
No one else is suffering like me, I decided. I'll just stay home seemed like a brilliant idea, but the Lord urged me to stay involved.
Reluctantly, I returned to church, and over time, to a women's Bible study. Slowly, I discovered God desired to use his people—even at their most imperfect—to help me navigate rough waters. Here's what I learned along the way.
Be honest about struggles.
Often I was tempted to keep problems hidden, pretending, "All's right with my world."
Yet as I mustered courage to open up, I noticed my honesty freed others to remove "my life's perfect" masks and share their heartaches. This caused me to feel connected.
Some people seemed uncomfortable when I bared my soul (maybe they didn't want to "catch" what I had) but most thanked me repeatedly for my transparency.
Allow others to minister to you.
My honesty led to people offering me counsel, hugs, prayers, wisdom from the Word, and at times their tears.
As I humbled myself enough to listen, godly women helped me view my pain and hard times from God's perspective—a testing of my faith and a means to grow. I repented for believing the lie that all my difficulties were God's punishment for my failings as a wife and mother. I allowed women to help me win the battle against fears, doubts, and unbelief.
Caring believers encouraged me to stay in prayer and the Word and to trust God's timing. I embraced James's words: "Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed" (James 5:16). I felt my soul being healed and matured—instead of just feeling grieved that my loved ones' weren't.
Fellow Christians also helped me see how God was answering prayers for my family life—a little at a time. Gratitude grew.
Once I was ministered to, I was able reach out to others whom I discovered had similar spiritual battles.
Avoid taking hurtful statements personally.
One day in my women's Bible study, I told of my daughters' struggles. The leader of our small group responded, "My daughter wandered from the Lord for a little while, but friends and I just prayed for her, and she's fine now."
"Just" and "a little while" hurt. That day I beat myself up for my lousy prayers and choosing ineffective prayer partners over the years of my prodigal daughters' rebellion. Once again I felt tempted to go home and stay there until all was well.
Related Topics:
Authenticity, Church, Community, Conflict, Relationships, Trust
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Mandy
Good article. Yes I agree its so much easier in the first instance to lock ourselves away when we need to be sharing to benefit ourselves and others as a result. I dont agree with you Ruth, on several points: "I have more reason to write than any of you" who are you to say this? Do you know what has gone on in each one of our lives and hearts? no. Only God knows. I think you missed the point on the reason for going to church too. Yes we need to worship at all times not only the good times. But not only worship. Do the Lords bidding, share goodness, care, love etc etc Jesus did not soley worship God I will follow his lead.
lori
Good article, I'm going through an isolation phase right now. "Church people" are very busy trying to prove themselves, making sure they keep their "position" in the church. My most recent rejection ocurred when I shared a burden with a Christian "friend". My burden was too heavy for that woman of God...she prayed with me genuinely concerned once...came a 2nd time for "details" for her husband (an elder in the church) and then she never called, she doesn't talk to me at church on the rare occasions when I do go. Evidently I'm contaminated. I feel rejected and stupid for sharing. Obviously I went to the wrong "friend". Where are the medics in the hospital (church)...where are the people with the spiritual inoculations. I've learned once again that God is my deliverer,he alone is my healer. People disappoint. I long for community--I'm unplugged--you've challenged me to get plugged in again. I'm cautious--rejection hurts--I'll try again.
Dave
My heart goes out to you. Unfortunately respondent Ruth missed the boat. I'm not at all sure the primary purpose of church is to worship God. Worship is an act of subordination of self and extolling God. That is a 24/7 activity. Church is a mutual support base. We call it fellowship--sharing and supporting. Within the church some do more effectively than others. Some are mindless and careless. Some are act out of poor teaching and lack of understanding. You eventually found comfort and strength to persevere. Ultimately we are called to trust the God of Creation and of all circumstances. He has a plan; He works His plan. Our comfort comes in knowing that in the end His plan is for our good and His glory. Together we can praise Him through life's scarring bumps. Together--as brothers and sisters--we walk this rugged path.
Ingrid
Ruth, are you a stander? too have been down that road and trust in the Lord that whatever He has planned for me good or bad that it's for His purpose. Bad things happen to good people too, no one is immune. the OT shows us that even good people suffered and we will too. Jesus suffered so who are we to feel sorry for ourselves? We have to see things that God has allowed things to happen for a reason, it's up to each one of us to determine what that is but it's always to draw us closer to Him. Glory to Him when it comes to pass and it's all for good, for us to learn something about ourselves and most of all. to get clsoer to Him, to walk that narrow path.
Ruth
Unfortunately, you have totally missed the most important reason for going to church; we are there to worship GOD, not to get our needs met. The enemy's lies are subtle, and he has used our therapeutic culture to make us believe that church is where we get and do therapy. I have more reason to write than any of you; in the past twelve years I have lost my career, my parents, my health, my 37-year marriage, my house (bank stole it when I WAS making payments), and my retirement savings, as well as other "minor" things. I have endured many comments to the effect that I must have done something to deserve all this, but my church has been largely supportive. It wouldn't matter whether they did or did not support me. I go to church on Sunday even when I am enraged at God, because He deserves to be worshiped. I participate in a yearly worship symposium and do worship planning in part because I love doing those things, but also because MY greatest need is to worship God. My attitude chang
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