The Year I Became a Total Hottie
I grew up fat. Never to the point of having people stare at me on the streets, but fat enough to have well-meaning people say, "Such a pretty face, if only she would lose 20 pounds."
By the time I'd reached my 40s, I'd spread almost enough to graduate into the plus-size department. At just under 5'1", I was a size 14, petite and shaped like a beach ball.
One day I went to the doctor for my annual checkup. He told me the same truth then as he had every year: I needed to lose weight. He gave me a certificate for paid registration to Weight Watchers; I went to a meeting, joined a gym, and that was that. In about a year's time, I lost 37 pounds. By the time I turned 50, I'd reached my goal.
But I have to confess: My goal had nothing to do with improving my health. My goal—I'm almost ashamed to admit this—was to be a hottie. I wanted to turn heads.
Through the prophet Jeremiah, God says, "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?" (Jeremiah 17:9). No one likes to think of herself as corrupt and wicked. So I told myself feel-good lies such as losing weight is good for my health. Technically true—but not soul-fully true. The soul-truth was too confrontational: I wanted to lose weight so people would notice me and like what they saw.
So I lost weight, went shopping, and bought all new clothes. One time my daughter, Laura, and I were in a store, and she said, "Mom, that guy over there is totally checking you out!"
It was at that moment that I crossed over from being mildly, annoyingly obsessive in my newfound hotness to becoming vainglorious, glorying in my excessive vanity. And it seeped into other parts of my life, parts that had nothing to do with having been fat and getting thin and becoming a total hottie.
For example, I attended a seminar at my church where the speaker talked about the old-fashioned way of doing church, with its religious jargon and "us versus them" mentality toward those outside the church, and contrasted it with the cool new methods some churches—like mine—are adopting. I left that seminar excited about my church. I was a part of this innovative, cool thing God is doing! Plus, I looked good. Could life be any greater?
What the Mirror Knows
When I was fat, I hated mirrors. But when I got thin, I loved them. I loved them so much, I made mental notes of the most flattering ones within a 40-mile radius (visiting them often) and which ones to avoid.
You can do that with the Word of God too. In many ways the Bible is like a mirror, reflecting who you really are, which isn't flattering. However, you can train yourself to look only at the pages and passages where you look best. I'm good at that. I'm good at not seeing my flaws and imperfections and at thinking they look better than they do.
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