The Year I Became a Total Hottie
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I grew up fat. Never to the point of having people stare at me on the streets, but fat enough to have well-meaning people say, "Such a pretty face, if only she would lose 20 pounds."
By the time I'd reached my 40s, I'd spread almost enough to graduate into the plus-size department. At just under 5'1", I was a size 14, petite and shaped like a beach ball.
One day I went to the doctor for my annual checkup. He told me the same truth then as he had every year: I needed to lose weight. He gave me a certificate for paid registration to Weight Watchers; I went to a meeting, joined a gym, and that was that. In about a year's time, I lost 37 pounds. By the time I turned 50, I'd reached my goal.
But I have to confess: My goal had nothing to do with improving my health. My goal—I'm almost ashamed to admit this—was to be a hottie. I wanted to turn heads.
Through the prophet Jeremiah, God says, "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?" (Jeremiah 17:9). No one likes to think of herself as corrupt and wicked. So I told myself feel-good lies such as losing weight is good for my health. Technically true—but not soul-fully true. The soul-truth was too confrontational: I wanted to lose weight so people would notice me and like what they saw.
So I lost weight, went shopping, and bought all new clothes. One time my daughter, Laura, and I were in a store, and she said, "Mom, that guy over there is totally checking you out!"
It was at that moment that I crossed over from being mildly, annoyingly obsessive in my newfound hotness to becoming vainglorious, glorying in my excessive vanity. And it seeped into other parts of my life, parts that had nothing to do with having been fat and getting thin and becoming a total hottie.
For example, I attended a seminar at my church where the speaker talked about the old-fashioned way of doing church, with its religious jargon and "us versus them" mentality toward those outside the church, and contrasted it with the cool new methods some churches—like mine—are adopting. I left that seminar excited about my church. I was a part of this innovative, cool thing God is doing! Plus, I looked good. Could life be any greater?
What the Mirror Knows
When I was fat, I hated mirrors. But when I got thin, I loved them. I loved them so much, I made mental notes of the most flattering ones within a 40-mile radius (visiting them often) and which ones to avoid.
You can do that with the Word of God too. In many ways the Bible is like a mirror, reflecting who you really are, which isn't flattering. However, you can train yourself to look only at the pages and passages where you look best. I'm good at that. I'm good at not seeing my flaws and imperfections and at thinking they look better than they do.
Originally published in: Today's Christian Woman, 2009, May/June, Vol. 31, Issue 3
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Joyce
Thank you for the wonderful article Nancy. Five years ago I lost twenty pounds when I started running. I was fearful that I would turn into a vain creature. but the running and the eighteen races I have done since have changed me and created wonderful spiritual growth. I am happy for the person God has created in me through the running and weight loss. domine vobiscum
Robert
I'm not sure how I found this article (being a guy and all), but your husband should feel fortunate. My mom was overweight her whole life. She became manic depressant during midlife, and started loosing weight incredibly fast. She started avoiding her family soon after. A couple years later she confessed to having multiple affairs in the last few years because she finally got the attention from men she wanted. She had no real need for this attention, because my father was always happy to give her attention. My dad was even willing to take her back, but happy with her new "freedom" she finalized the divorce papers within a couple months. My dad and I are doing our best to keep my teenage sister on the right path while she is legally volleyed back and forth between parents. Not every story ends with a happy revelation, but thank God for the ones that do.
imeobong ibomhen
I THANK GOD FOR THIS ARTICLE. LATELY I'VE THOUGHT OF LOSING WEIGHT BECAUSE I DON'T GET THOSE COMPLIMENTS OF 'YOU LOOK GREAT' FROM FRIENDS AND COLLEAGUES. INFACT I STARTED DESPISING SOME PARTS OF MY BODY AND WISHING THEY WERE SLIMMER. THIS ARTICLE HAS MADE BE TO UNDERSTAND THAT THAT COULD TURN TO OBSESSION IF NOT CHECKED IN THE MIDDLE AGE.
Dina
Thank you, Nancy. Your article has put me back to where i should be. this type of pride and even idolatry has turned me away from my King, humble in heart
dj
Excellent article. I have a family member who is the same and unfortunately doesn't see herself. Seeing yourself is one of the number one step towards deliverance. This will help me to see God about how I should approach the situation because she's wounding people around her, but only thinks that people are jealous of her. Yes she loves the Lord, but her self consumption is ruining her relationships and has ruined her relationship with her daughter, because she told me. I never told her daughter that I felt the same. We all have an achilles heel that we need to destroy before it destroys us. I wanted to give you 10 stars, but the computer would only allow me to give one.
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