Kyria

Search by Name

Or use:
advanced search to search by major, region, cost, affiliation, enrollment, & more!

Knowing how to use Scripture to combat domestic violence is key in helping abused women, especially because abusers often twist passages to justify their sinful behavior, says Leslie Vernick, a Christian counselor and author of The Emotionally Destructive Relationship.Abusive husbands often feel they're entitled for their wife to submit, Leslie explains. "But submission isn't something you force someone to do. It's done by the choice of the one who does the submitting. When you force someone to do things your way, that's not submission—it's coercion," says Leslie.

Similarly, the concept of headship is often misunderstood. "Headship doesn't mean getting to have your way all the time," Leslie says. "It means husbands get to lead in sacrificing first. Scripture says for husbands to love their wives and sacrifice for them (Ephesians 5:25). Jesus also explained that a good leader is one who serves (Matthew 20:27-28). That's what the head of the family is—a servant to all of the others."

Leslie also believes many people are confused about biblical allowances for divorce. "In the Old Testament book of Malachi, God says he hates divorce," says Leslie. "But in the same passage he also says he hates a man who covers himself with violence (Malachi 2:16). God hates many things, but those things still happen because of our sinful actions."

If an abuser refuses to repent and change, then it's difficult to maintain a covenant relationship with him. "It's similar to trying to have a relationship with an adulterer," Leslie says. "Marriage vows aren't just about fidelity. They're also about care and protection. When someone is repeatedly breaking their marriage vows, it's impossible to have a relationship. There's no mutual trust."

In cases of ongoing abuse, Leslie recommends separation while the couple works to reconcile. But she encourages women to seek legal advice along the way. For example, some states don't legally recognize the process of separation. "So if a husband decides to drain the equity in the home or racks up $200,000 in credit card bills, the wife still carries that debt," Leslie explains. In those cases, a woman can file for divorce as a measure of legal protection, even as she's attempting to reconcile.

"God has given us a government to protect us against lawbreakers," Leslie says. "When a husband is breaking the law by hurting or stealing from his family, the law is there to offer protection."

Corrie Cutrer, a TCW regular contributor, lives in South Carolina with her husband and their two daughters.

Copyright © 2009 by the author or Christianity Today International/Today's Christian Woman magazine.
Click here for reprint information on Today's Christian Woman.

There are no previous pages

 1 of 1

May/June 2009, Vol. 31, No. 3

• E-mail this page
• Print this article
• Post a comment
• Share this page

Average User Rating: 

It is not always the wife that is abused. There are also husbands in abusive situations.Husbands that are beaten and verbally abused by wives. Husbands that are threatened they will never see their children.Husbands who are threatened that the wife will claim abuse and see him put in jail. A controlling, manipulative, self serving woman can keep her abused husband silent and feeling defeated, as his family members fear for his safety and pray for his deliverence.

A few months ago I read an article concerning a woman who was in the same situation.She wrote a book, "my (failed) christian marriage.I could hardly believe that christian husbands often abused the Bible to support their so to speak right over their wife.Forget that submissive role.It is written by Paul the apostel whoi spent his life mostly in the Middle East.I lived and worked there and immediately understood where it came from.God created both after HIS OWN image.So husband loosers, learn respect and love or get divorced.Never give your life away to man.Respect yourself first and learn to love yourself enough as not to break down.Get rid of the sunday colgate mask smile.I hope to find a man who loves me the way I am. Bless you,

Thank You for this artilce. I was married to an emotional abuser. Now I'm back on my feet and moving forward.

Rate & Comment on this article:

Choose star rating:  

Low 1 2 3 4 5 High

Be sure to click SUBMIT when finished

Name: 

1000 character limitComments:

Type these two words:Type what you hear:

I can't readhear these words | Use an audio clip insteadUse an image instead

Service provided by reCAPTCHA

free newsletters

Kyria

Gifted for Leadership

Marriage Partnership

Leadership Weekly

Full Name

E-mail Address

Zip or Postal Code

Subscribe the above checked newsletters.