Great Question: When is it okay to leave a church?
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When is it okay, even healthy, to leave a church? I'm struggling at my church, but I've attended it for a long time and feel guilty about possibly looking for another congregation.
I applaud you for even pondering this question. All too often God's people switch loyalties from one church to another with the same amount of deliberation they give to what kind of fast food they'll eat for lunch! Yet choosing the gathering where we will worship God corporately, engage with other Christians, and invest our gifts is a serious matter that warrants prayerful consideration.
What Does God Say About This?
Although the Bible doesn't have a definitive "now's the right time to run for the door" list about leaving a church, it does paint a clear picture of what a community of faith should look like:
"Now these are the gifts Christ gave to the church: the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, and the pastors and teachers. Their responsibility is to equip God's people to do his work and build up the church, the body of Christ. This will continue until we all come to such unity in our faith and knowledge of God's Son that we will be mature in the Lord, measuring up to the full and complete standard of Christ. Then we will no longer be immature like children. We won't be tossed and blown about by every wind of new teaching. We will not be influenced when people try to trick us with lies so clever they sound like the truth. Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church." (Ephesians 4:11-15, NLT)
If the teaching, worship, programs, and activities of the church you're attending aren't really helping people grow in their relationship with Jesus Christ and/or your church structure recognizes someone other than Christ as its ultimate authority, then it's healthy to start moving toward the exit sign.
But if the main reason you're thinking about splitting is personal rather than theological—perhaps you've been wounded by someone in your congregation or on your church staff—make every effort to work through the conflict with the people involved before stalking away with a chip on your shoulder (Matthew 18:15-17). It's also a good idea to seek the advice of a few mature, unbiased Christians instead of making a rash decision (Proverbs 13:10).
And of course, prayer is essential. If we'll listen to God, he promises to direct our steps explicitly, to tell us when to turn to the left and when to turn to the right (Isaiah 30:20-22). Finally, if the Holy Spirit does give you the green light to look for another place to worship, guard your tongue on the way out and don't cause a reckless ruckus (Proverbs 6:19; 1 Corinthians 1:10).
How Does This Affect Me?
One of my favorite observations about church is found in Steve Brown's book, A Scandalous Freedom:
Related Topics:
Changing Churches, Church involvement, Church Search, Cliques
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sharon
In response to "Alice": Your not alone! I too have experienced, too often, being benched because I am single. Including the divorcee's and widows. I support families but in the eyes of God what is family?! Sadly the church has lost it's vision in many aspects. I have yet to find a church that is truely open to Him and progressive in spiritual growth. Suggestions anyone?!
mary
I left my church because their was this air of arrogance among many of the woman who thought and acted not only in words,but by action that they were better then some who came into the church, I saw that and left for Good!! God went after those who were treated this way, so why should we treat other's who are poor, haddicap, and un-educated like their dogs! I wont have a thing to do with a church who does this,
Alice
I really appreciated this article. I recently had to switch to a new church because the church which I had been attending was simply too big and the agenda did not, I felt, include me. Everything about the church was family-with-kids driven. That's fine; however, there are those of us who are single, and we count, too. I am very happy in my new place of worship as not everything revolves around marriage and children. I ask those of you who are married-with-children to please remember those single people in your church; you'll realise when we are gone (those helping hands will be gone, too), but do you realise we are there now? I am sure you are not meaning to be hurtful, just something about which to think.
Abigail Taylor
Thank you so much for this article. I believe it is very much needed, because so many times, some believers must leave for one of the reasons already mentioned in the article. I personally counselled a believer whose former congregation, caused her discouragement and worry. She left and is at present in another denominationl church group, and is settled, and quite happy and contented, and is also involved in the ministry. God bless you for this wonderful "counsel" from the Lord.
LeadHership
Lisa, I have no idea if this comment will get to you, but hopefully it will. This was an excellent article. When I saw the title, I almost dismissed it, thinking, "Yeah, right, like there's an answer to THAT kind of question." My critial thinking stemming from years of being one of the pastors at a megachurch, where people leave and leave me/us in piles of pain. Your honest, biblical, tender reply was awesome and refreshing. It gave me a NEW perspective to replace the old negative one about those who leave. Grateful, Heather www.leadHership.net
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