Good and Mad
"So what would you say to singles who want to be married, are trying to live a God-honoring life, and feel as if God's withholding a spouse from them?" the radio-show host asked me. It was a live radio interview and I was supposed to be the singles "expert" as a columnist and book author on the subject of doing life alone. She continued, "I would think it would be easy to get a bit bitter and angry toward God in that situation." Honey, I thought, you have no idea!
I thought back to my own realization not too long ago that I was a bit ticked off at God for not granting the desires of my heart to be in a healthy, committed, Christ-centered marriage (or at least to have some glimmer of hope that such a thing is still a possibility for me). It felt a bit insolent to be angry at God, but wasn't he the one who created us to be in deep, meaningful relationships? Didn't he already know that people-person me was languishing a bit after so many years on my own? And couldn't he see how much I could use someone to do life with — who could help sometimes-scatterbrained me remember to pay my bills, who could help provide financial security so I can spend more time writing articles and books that point to him, who could help me lug groceries and laundry up and down the three flights of stairs to my humble abode (all blessings I'd willingly "repay" with my own set of sacrifices and gifts)?
I remember ticking off all the reasons I deserved the blessing of a spouse. I've served God in a ministry-oriented job, have allowed him to work through my singleness for a couple years now, and have remained sexually pure longer than most non-Christians would believe. And aren't spouses and children practically inalienable rights for God-fearing, law-abiding citizens? "I just want a Christ-following spouse I can serve you with. Is that too much to ask?" I queried God in a moment of honest exasperation one day. "Surely I've earned my spouse by now!"
I can guess what you're thinking as you're reading this right now — Whoa, Babe, you've got God's role in our lives all wrong — because that's exactly what I thought when I stepped back and listened to the mental tirade I'd been lobbing heavenward. Who was I to think God owed me anything? The only thing God's ever owed us fallen humans is punishment for our sinful ways.
And what was I thinking that I could somehow earn a spouse? When have we ever been able to earn God's blessings or favor in any way other than by taking on the saving grace of his death and resurrection on our behalf? Wasn't that the whole point of Jesus' life on this earth-to earn the approval, intimacy with God, and salvation that we in our fallen humanness never could?
Right then and there I thanked God for not giving me what I deserved — a swift kick in the rear for my audacious attitudes toward him. I also thanked him that we don't have to earn his blessings, but that he gives them freely, according to his timetable and higher ways (Isaiah 55:8-9), and "according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:19).
More from By Camerin Courtney:
Kyria.com | Books
Join the Kyria.com Community!
Become a member to have access to the following:
- Full access to hundreds of other articles for thoughtful, influential women
- The monthly Kyria digizine, each issue focusing on a spiritual discipline or theme
- 20 percent discount on all of the downloadable resources in the Kyria Store
downloadable guides
Prayer and Meditation
Cultivating a deeper relationship with God.
Ministering to Working Women
How your women's ministry can better meet the needs of women who work outside the home.Browse More Guides
back to top
Average User Rating: Not rated
Rate & Comment on this article *