Great Question
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What's the difference between "seeing sin" in someone else's life and confronting it, and having a critical spirit?
The key distinction between recognizing behavior that's ungodly and passing judgment on others is the posture of our heart. Are we aware of other people's mistakes because they trust us and have confided in us, or have we appointed ourselves the "moral police" so as to justify examining blemishes in everyone else's behavior? Is our ultimate goal to help restore prodigals into a redemptive relationship with Jesus, or do we have a hidden agenda to elevate ourselves by condemning those around us? Be honest now!
What Does God Say About This?
Here are two oft-quoted Scriptures about confronting someone else's sin:
"If your fellow believer sins against you, go and tell him in private what he did wrong. If he listens to you, you have helped that person to be your brother or sister again. But if he refuses to listen, go to him again and take one or two other people with you. … If he refuses to listen to them, tell the church. If he refuses to listen to the church, then treat him like a person who does not believe in God or like a tax collector" (Matthew 18:15-17, NCV).
"If anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ" (Galatians 6:1-3, ESV).
The first passage applies solely to professing Christians and includes disciplinary consequences. The second is gentler in tone and more general in application. And while both examples encourage straightforward dialogue about ungodly behavior, they also clarify the respectful parameters in which those hard conversations should take place.
I think the most compelling lesson about uncovering sin in someone else's life occurs in John's Gospel account, when a group of angry deacons shove an adulterous woman in front of Jesus while he's teaching in the temple courts:
"The scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in adultery, and placing her in the midst they said to him, 'Teacher, this woman has been caught in the act of adultery. Now in the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. So what do you say?' This they said to test him, that they might have some charge to bring against him. Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger on the ground. And as they continued to ask him, he stood up and said to them, 'Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her'" (John 8:3-7, ESV).
One simple statement from our Savior left those mean-spirited men—who up until that moment had been hurling insults—mute. His words illuminated their own ugly flaws, which made shaming someone else much less appealing. One by one they dropped their rocks and slunk away.
Originally published in: Today's Christian Woman, 2009, May/June, Vol. 31, Issue 3
Related Topics:
Biblical Guidance, Complaining, Confrontation, Criticism, Judging others, Sin
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fafa
thanks Lisa for this article. i pray that God grants me the grace in these times to have all the patience to deal with rebuke and also how to deal with people who i offend and also offend me. God bless you.
Joyce
Thank you Lisa for a wonderful article that only taps the tip of the gentle rebuke versus outright judgement iceberg. I have had experiences in which the person who made a sharp comment to me has also deeply wounded but yet in my heart I knew they were simply trying to help. I think we need to tap into the deep reserves of the Holy Spirit to discern accordingly. My mother was very emotionally abusive when i was a child and I completely understand the deep wounds so-called 'mere' words leave. Therefore in my life I am very careful about what I say to others so that I may help build instead of tear down.
WHEN WE BELIEVE
I understand this, I actually had a mentor that I thought believed in me until one day I said " so, tell me what you think I need to work on!(I can take it) she let me know. her statement resulted in me feeling like an outcast, hurt, wounded, and looked down upon. It has changed our relationship, it was a horrible experience. Sometimes people are not going to always see us the way the Lord does. How does God see me? that is the question and coming to really know, understand and believe that, that is the answer. God is our security, making him our security is the main point, He loves us, he accepted us, He wants to change us and he will by his word(if we let him) but he accepts us and loves us those are foundational keys, we need to know that so we can move on and grow in his love. The Lord changed Simon's name(Flaky Leaf) to Peter (Rock) he accepted Peter, he walked with Peter, Peter fell, but the Lord forgave him. Peter changed. Peter changed by Jesus' loving grace and investment.
Rebecca
As a Mother I must teach my children to DECERN and teach them to make GOOD CHOICES...I think there is to much finger pointing in the church in the Name of Jesus "OUT OF LOVE"!!!!!!! I have been at the end of fingerpointing by someone who was a long time Christian. It's not a good feeling being put down"IN LOVE". Jesus said " WE ARE TO LOVE OUR NEIGHBORS AS OURSELVES". Also "WE ARE TO TAKE THE LOG OUT OF OUR OWN EYE BEFORE WE LOOK AT THE SPECK IN OUR NEIGHBOR EYE......ONly if the Holy Spirit guides us to say something to someone else or comes to us for counseling should we give our opinions.....One of the hard lessions I learn while being a Leader in a Woman's Bible Study group was that what is said in pray can be used as gossip, with the excuse oh I was just telling the prayer so others could pray too...... JUdgement should be left up to the Lord. As A Christian we should our best to present a witness for Jesus and PRAY, PRAY, PRAY, for whomever the Lord puts on our hearts.
Jeanine
As women of God, we have a responisibility to be willing to live transparent lives. This transparency comes from a heart that has nothing to hide but everything to give. We must not shrink back from a sisterly rebuke based on Abba's love in us if necessary to redeem our sister. We must also remember that He is a God of redemption and we are family in His Kingdom. We must NOT play judge. Jesus Christ is the only appointed judge for our sins. Praise God. I have been delivered from helping Him out with this. :-)
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