A Christmas to Remember
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This December my family and I are preparing not for Christmas, but for major surgery. Again. It's the third year in a row. It changes everything about our December … and our winter. Last year the Christmas tree went up in November and it didn't come down until March!
Moving into the third "December surgery," it's easy for fear to override the festivities and heartache to replace the holiday fun. Our 13-year-old son, Joseph, was born with spina bifida and hydrocephalus. Although he's had 12 surgeries, this one will be the seventh in 14 years that scar tissue has anchored itself to his spinal cord causing pain and problems with his back, legs, and bladder.
The surgery is scheduled for December 15 to best reduce school absences. The hospital stay will last about a week. He'll be laid low for about three and back to normal in six to eight weeks. Last year, complications erupted at every turn. He was in the hospital for four, one-week stays and missed 12 weeks of school before he was back on his feet.
The toll on our family was extensive. The hospital is three hours from our home, making the havoc and upheaval constant. We're a little gun shy about this upcoming surgery. The pain of last winter is still too fresh.
But Christmas is a time of chaos for everyone. Nothing new there. With exhaustion and overload the status quo from January to November, December puts many people over the edge.
When your child is facing major surgery, the pressure of holiday preparation takes a back burner. I'm off the hook in a lot of ways: reduced gifts to purchase, minimal decorations, no baking. I don't get asked to chaperone the youth group's caroling trip, to help with the Sunday school musical, or asked to bake six trillion cookies. No complaints there! People don't expect much from you. And through the years I've learned to significantly adjust the expectations I have on myself.
Would I like to enjoy a more typical Christmas sometime in the near future? Very much.
Will there be treasures to discover, despite our difficulties? Beyond what we can recall. I know, because last year we hit the jackpot. Three treasures come to mind.
We learned about the power of Spirit-led prayer.
Grueling nerve pain in Joseph's legs was the hallmark feature of last year's medical madness. Four days post-op Joseph had finally gone 12 hours without experiencing this horrific pain. At about 10 o'clock that night as he was falling asleep, we were celebrating, praying that he was out of the woods.
At four in the morning his gasp of pain woke me from a fitful sleep. Joseph's pain was back and it was the worst to date. It lasted for more than an hour. As hideous as it was, he came out of it peaceful and hopeful. I was amazed. He'd been flirting with depression for three days before. We were deeply weary from the waves of pain that had been descending upon him every two to three hours. I was buoyed by what I saw and knew God was a work.
Related Topics:
Christmas, Gratitude, Healing, Hope, Perspective, Prayer, Rest, Trust
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renee
I was touched by your sharing of Christmas. I don't know what it is like to have a child who struggles like your son. But, I do know what it is to watch your child suffer and not be able to help. My son has a severe learning disability that has caused him to contemplate taking his life several times. He has been angry and confused. I have cried with my family and I have cried alone. It seemed no one else understood our pain. When I read your article today the candidness of it blessed me. I am not alone. God cares. Thank you so much.
kris
Having struggled through a brain tumor this year this story has brought tears to my eyes, i am 32 so it was shocking to be diagnosed with a brain tumor. Treatment was so difficult especially the radiation.God is faithful and He will see you through. This story has made me think that the best thing I can do for Christmas is spend time with someone less priviledged than we are.
zmom
I'm praying for you & counting my blessings once again tonight. For despite a rough holiday season: we just cared for & lost my mother-in-law to pancreatic cancer and now must sort/clear her apartment by New Years in addition to somehow making those holiday preparations for our family; the hot water tank went, etc. I am reminded again of what I DO Have: a safe, wonderful home (true overburdened by clutter/more inherited stuff--but I am blessing others with timely donations), secure jobs (not prosperous but paying our bills--some day we'll start that retirement plan but we cover today and even some "extras"), HEALTHY Family-(tears reading your story and today @ kids bsktbl game when watching a disabled teammate make a basket---courtesy of the other team: Truly Christmas Gift in Action), and although the kids squabble tonight--it is all minor in the end. I am praying for you, your son & family, that other child and her family & everyone in similar places this Christmas. God Bless!
Barbra
Thank you Brenda - your story was a great ministry to my own personal grief and it leads me to pray over your family needs and those of your dear Joe. For all the Mommys out there who's little ones are hurting - I pray also. Whatever befolds us, we serve a Mighty God who is able, who understands our needs and holds us carefully close to His heart. God Bless you Brenda.
Irwin Lall
Hi Brenda, Your article is very timely and touching. Christians are on an overdrive to make their Christmas as merry as possible forgetting the turbulent times and conditions that our Saviour came into. My wife is battling with renal failure and every day is a day of thanksgiving. Despite her medical condition, she is as normal as anyone else and that is a miracle. We have so much to thank the Lord for. This Christmas, instead of madly rushing about, we need to retreat into a personal time with the Saviour and wrap our arms around Him and I am sure that if we do that He would enable us to see people who need us to wrap our arms around. God bless you, Rev. Irwin Lall
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