Loose Lips
I admit it. I'm a talker. Chances are, if I walk into a room, I'll be the first to say hello—even to a person I don't know.
Most of the time, my talkative personality is a positive attribute—it aids me in making friends quickly and helps others feel included in a group. But sometimes, I get so caught up in doing what comes naturally—talking—that I forget to think before I open my mouth.
Almost everyone's heard the old adage: "Loose lips sink ships." When I share my own thoughts and feelings a little too freely, I do no harm, except perhaps let someone get to know too much about me too soon. But my chatter gets me into trouble when I share tidbits about others. I don't set out to break a friend's confidence … but somehow, my mouth kicks into gear before my brain.
All the "little confidences" I've shared, such as "Trina's* really concerned about her daughter, Sue, because Sue's sleeping with her boyfriend," or "Pray for Katie, she's going through treatments for infertility," merely seemed like interesting conversations until one day three years ago. That's when the true nature of my loose lips hit home.
It happened over a diet Coke at my friend Ann's house. As we both tsk-tsked about the escalating divorce rate, Ann, whose husband had left her four years earlier, commented, "I'm so sorry for the women behind the statistics. I know what it's like to be alone and scared about what's going to happen to you next."
Just then, I thought about asking Ann to pray for Maris, a mutual friend who'd just shared with me that her marriage was in trouble. So I rambled on with details of Maris's marital woes. To my dismay, Ann hadn't a clue our friend's marriage was so deeply troubled—and she felt terrible that Maris hadn't even told her about it.
After our conversation, I felt sick in the pit of my stomach, but I pushed my feelings aside. However, as the days wore on, I could no longer stand my guilt and shame. I realized—painfully—that I'd been wrong to share news that hadn't been mine to share. Not only had I broken my struggling friend's confidence, but I'd put Ann in the midst of a distressing situation.
Finally, I swallowed my pride and phoned Ann to apologize. Then, taking a deep breath, I phoned Maris, told her I needed to talk to her, and asked if I could come over. Maris agreed readily, so half an hour later I was at her door, a batch of brownies in hand. Before we even sat down, I blurted out in misery, "Maris, I blew it. Remember a month ago, when you shared with me how you and Mark were struggling in your marriage? Well, last week when Ann and I were talking, I told her about you and Mark. I'd meant to talk in general terms, but then … well, your name slipped out."
Maris's jaw dropped. Her lips quivered. She got teary-eyed.
Originally published in: Today's Christian Woman, 2000, November/December, Vol. 22, Issue 6, Page 98
Related Topics:
Confidence, Gossip, Tongue, Words
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Johann
Women, unfortunately, do this all the time. They simply can't keep secrets. It's a horrible defect in the gender. And what's worse, it's a proven fact that whenever they get together with other women, they always tear apart their own husbands or boyfriends. A man, on the other hand, always plays up his woman, far more than he deserves.
Anita Wright(Registered User)
Double Ouch! Thanks for the reminder. A lot of general conversations easily turn to gossip.
wuraola
It is good that this is coming up in a christian magazine because a lot of christian women do this without considering the consequences that is why the book of Eccl summarised it "Let your words be few" We need to conciously work towards perfection in this area as many family relationships and confidence has been eroded. Thank you for this edifying article, see more of it.
Jackie
A beautiful verse to use to help break the habit is from 2 COR 10:4-6, especially "bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ." Practicing this scripture can break gossip, emotions like anger which all start with thoughts, even addictions!
Gaynor
A very timely reminder...gossip happens so many times under the guise of - Let's pray for so-and-so - more relationships in churches are damaged through gossip that we would care to admit. One thing I find helpful when someone offers me some juicy gossip is to aks if they have already spoken to the person they are just telling me about... May God enable us to build up others and not tear them down...
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