Where's God in My Loneliness?
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It was one month to the day after my six-month-old daughter, Hope, had died of a rare metabolic disorder. Heading out alone on a business trip, I thought getting away and being busy might actually alleviate my grief. But instead, sadness traveled with me. That night in my hotel room, I desperately wanted someone to remember Hope with me.
I did what most people do when they feel lonely—I reached out to find someone to help make my loneliness go away. I punched my way through the numbers programmed on my cell phone, but no one answered. I didn't know how to connect with God in a way that would soothe my loneliness, so I finally cried myself to sleep.
Throughout the Old Testament, God promises Abraham, Jacob, Moses, and the Israelites he will be with them. He told Joshua, "I will never leave you nor forsake you" (Joshua 1:5). While I've believed these promises are for me too, sometimes when I've read them, I've thought, Well, I was hoping for something better than that. God's presence seemed more like the consolation prize than the reward.
But when my friend Angela lost her husband, she told me, "It took me two years after Wes died before I was willing to say to Jesus, in the loneliness of my bed, 'I need you to make your presence known to me, to satisfy me.'" She admitted it was awkward to wait in silence for him, but it's been worth overcoming the awkwardness for her to experience God's friendship.
The trouble is, I'm rarely quiet or patient enough to wait for God to meet me. Perhaps what's more deeply true is that I really didn't fully believe being alone with Jesus—even when I'm lonely—would satisfy me.
Obviously I've much to learn from the Old Testament patriarch Moses. After the children of Israel rebelled against God in the desert, God had it with his "stiff-necked" people and told Moses he would send an angel to lead them into Canaan instead. The very thought of living in the land of milk and honey without God's presence among them brought Moses to his knees: "If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here" (Exodus 33: 15).
To Moses, experiencing the felt presence of God was more important than anything. Seeing his example, I've started looking for ways to live like I really value God's presence. So I occasionally turn off the radio in my car and think about him or I turn off the television in my house to cut down on the world's noise. When I'm willing to wait for him to make himself known to me, I offer more than just lip service to what's truly important.
What I wanted in the hotel room that lonely night was to hear the voice of someone who really knew my sad circumstances. But who could know more about me than God? If I want to hear his voice, I have to open up his Word in a spirit of quiet humility and expectation, and wait for him to speak to me. Now I set aside time to meet with him rather than rush through it. I persevere in listening, chew on words and ideas, and open myself up to his words, rather than listen for only what I want to hear. Sometimes he speaks comfort, assuring me of his sovereign care in my life. And other times he speaks conviction, pointing out patterns in my life that need to change.
Related Topics:
Loneliness, Trusting God
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rumbidzai mtandwa
nancy,thanks for a great article.so real and unedited.often times we tend to be smart with our friends and put on a plastic smile and the usual"it's ok" look,but i am glad things don't have to be that way with God.i found so much hope and encouragement from this article and would love more from nancy.to all the women out there (and male too!),there is so much friendship we ought to find in God,just take a break fro the hustle of life and seek the face of God,you won't be dispointed.He speaks to us the the calmest of manners.being lonely is so very real,believe me when i say this,but if we look to God amidst our pain and confusion,He will reach out to us.
Jenny
Hmmm..... Nice article Nancy! Talking abt Loneliness, I am still single at the age of 34 with all my younger once married with kids. I know i need someone around me to share my moments and make me feel Loved... But GOD's word is SURE!! Cos each time i feel that loneliness, HIS words comforts my soul and make me understand that i need HIM more than any other person in this life! GOD is NEVER LATE HE is ALWAYS THERE if only we can look thru dat lonely period in our lives! I am Blessed with this. Thanx!
margo
Comforting article.Thank you.
Dosanna Nisette
Wow! This article voiced alot of things that I have been at war with spiritually. For a while I had been losing. Loneliness, depression, always feeling tired, always feeling like a failure. Trying to overcome other strongholds like social anxiety and low self esteem. I've often felt more than lonely and hopeless but it's so much worse to experience darkness when you can neither articulate it well and assume no one will be able to relate to you anyway. This article did that for my struggles, It spoke them to life and gave them solutions. My heart has a long way to go to recover from this deep numbness I feel most of the time. But now I have advice on how to not only recover my friendship and connection with God but also to remember the joy and great PURPOSE in connecting with him. To all who don't know yet....It most certainly helps!!
Dorothy
Thanks for this article. I have been widowed for thirteen years now and loneliness has been a big struggle in my life. It is gratifying to know that God is with me. He will never leave me nor forsake me. Also to know that Jesus whent through loneliness and therefore understandins is even more gratifying. Yes we can feel lonely, yet we are never alone. Thanks Nancy!
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