Is It All Right for a Married Couple to Choose to Remain Childless?
A. That's a bit like asking, "is it wrong not to marry?" Obviously not! But when the apostle Paul, for example, chose not to marry, he saw it as a sacrifice for the sake of Christ (1 Corinthians 9:5). Paul was willing to give up something good for the greater good of his special calling from God.
Similar principles apply to this question. Declining God's gift of children is a choice never to be taken lightly. However, while the well-known words of Genesis 1:28 to "be fruitful and multiply" seem at first glance to communicate a biblical mandate to couples to bear children, this verse actually communicates a blessing from God to the human race.
As Genesis 1:28 says, "God blessed them and said, 'Be fruitful and increase in number.'" The Hebrew grammar utilized in this passage is the same used in other parts of Scripture to express prayers and wishes of blessings upon families (see Genesis 24:60). So the statement to "be fruitful" doesn't refer to what couples must do to please God, but what God can do for and through humankind.
Sometimes circumstances guide the decision not to have children: It's time to finish an educational degree, or health issues or a genetic condition make having kids unwise. Occasionally a couple may feel the world is such a bad place they fear bringing more children into it. But this fear forgets that "perfect love drives out fear" (1 John 4:18). Christians need to trust that God's ultimate love triumphs over the terrors of history and that he will keep our children and us in his hands through thick and thin.
What's unusual is the choice never to have children. Couples contemplating this decision need to ask themselves what their motives are. Are they being self-indulgent or making an idol of career or money? Or are they choosing this path prayerfully because they feel called to love God and serve him and others in a different way? Childless-by-choice couples always should ask whether they have a special responsibility to serve God's people in ways couples with kids can't. The key to all this is that Christ asks us all to take up our cross, sacrifice ourselves, and follow him out of love in some capacity.
I know of one young married couple where the wife's been gifted to be a leading cancer researcher. The intense demands of her work exclude the time and energy for bearing and raising children—a sacrifice she and her husband are willing to make. And yet, should a pregnancy surprise them, they would make the adjustments needed to love and rear their baby.
It's possible God will overrule our plans with a "surprise" child, for no form of birth control is perfect. Marriage should be a place that's open to children, even when they're not planned. Such children are God's way of saying, I have different plans for how you should serve me. Love this little human I have given you!
Originally published in: Today's Christian Woman, 2003, September/October, Vol. 25, Issue 5, Page 24
Related Topics:
Children, Choices, Freedom, Having Children
More from Raymond C. Van Leeuwen:
Kyria.com | Books
Join the Kyria.com Community!
Become a member to have access to the following:
- Full access to hundreds of other articles for thoughtful, influential women
- The monthly Kyria digizine, each issue focusing on a spiritual discipline or theme
- 20 percent discount on all of the downloadable resources in the Kyria Store
downloadable guides
Prayer and Meditation
Cultivating a deeper relationship with God.
Ministering to Working Women
How your women's ministry can better meet the needs of women who work outside the home.Browse More Guides
back to top
Average User Rating:
Displaying 1–5 of 11 comments.
See all comments
Jenee
I understand completely not wanting children, but I'm not married yet. I do believe it is up to the individual what they choose to do, its better to live childless than to bring a child into the world you cannot or do not want to care for out of obilgation, it will make the child fee resented, unloved, and you will definately feel the backlash of it sometime. As for Tasha, I had to laugh at your post and ask, - why are you so angry, and why even bother reading this if you know its clearly from a Chrisitan standpoint, and its annoys you that much?
Joann
I loved this article! It was very kind and compassionate towards childless Christian couples, and yet it also reminded us that we also need to be made aware of our true motives in deciding not to have children. I am a 40-year-old single woman with no children of my own. I never got married because I happen to like my freedom, privacy, and solitude, plus remaining celibate helps me to focus more on God and what He has planned for me and also what He wants me to do for Him. I become distracted very easily and can't focus on more than one thing at a time, so if I were to get married and have children, I might end up putting God on the backburner and focusing too much on my husband and kids. However, if God ever did decide that I should have a husband, then I probably would want kids because they really are one of God's most precious gifts, and I wouldn't want to deprive my husband of fatherhood. I still believe that having children is a private matter, though. It is no one's business.
Anonymous
I like the approach of this article, it's one of the first Christian articles I've seen that addresses Childfree living. However, it's quite judgemental in some instances, where it says that Christians should simply live to serve others. I disagree. God has given us life and freedom. It's impossible to live a fulfilled life if you don't serve in some way. But to go to the extreme by saying that a 'cancer researcher' is a good exception, is just that - extreme. I'm neither a cancer researcher nor a great humanitarian. My feelings are simple: Life these days is exhausting enough. My mentor, counsels many married couples who are struggling with exhaustion because of the demands of the jobs we do these days. Adding a child to that mix is like throwing a grenade into a marriage. My husband and I want to live a quiet life, not being exhausted every time. Children also bring great financial strain. I don't think God wants us to suffer unnecessarily. We've made a wise choice!
Tasha
This whole argument on if its right or not to have children is stupid. Its up the the people who're making this choice not some cult who wants its followers to breed up kids so said family can fork over more money. I hate children with every fiber of my being and will not be pushed by anyone into having a child i do not wish to care for, deities included in that. I think you need to look long and hard at the fact that we cannot provide for the people we have on the planet now and bringing anymore children into the world is selfish during those circumstances. Also your bible is merely fiction since none of it can be proven so why take it literal when its all a lie? It might be worth your time to think about something other than the childfree couples and try advocating birth control and some self restraint before our world goes to shit around us.
Tina
What really hurts is when you want a child or a sibling for your only child and cannot. Is God holding back his blessings? Or will they tell me God only intended for me to have one even though I pray he may take away the pain of 2 miscarries.
Rate & Comment on this article