Hospitality for the Domestically Challenged
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[6 Comments]What do you do if you want to practice the spiritual discipline of hospitality, but feel as though you or your house is never clean enough, good enough, fill-in-the-blank enough? Kyria met with three women (Carla Barnhill, from Minnesota; Tricia Goyer, from Arkansas; and Caryn Rivadeneira, from Illinois) to find out how they practice hospitality and what it really means to them—in the midst of homes that will never be on the cover of Better Home and Gardens.
How would you describe your house right now? Is it company ready?
Carla Barnhill: Oh no, no. As soon as you step onto our front porch you'll see three big duffle bags of soccer gear and a seat from our van. Then when you enter the house, there's a big pile of shoes. It gets no better when you keep moving. I've started to feel like maybe it's appropriate to keep it like this, because then it sets your expectation so you don't walk in thinking you're going anywhere else.
Tricia Goyer: It depends on which rooms they go into. Some of them are company ready. I keep a main area clean, and then they all have to go straight there.
Caryn Rivadeneira: Mostly I have toys and dog hair everywhere. But if somebody calls and gives me about 15 minutes, I can quickly get the first floor company-ready.
So do you welcome or dread the drop in?
Tricia: There are definitely times when it's just disaster. Because I work at home, I may still be in my pajamas at 11 o'clock. And it's like, Oh please, let that only be the UPS man and not a friend who wants to come over.
But also I've learned that it's okay. If I'm comfortable with it, if I'm like, "Oh, come on in, the house is a mess," most people aren't going to look at me and think, Oh my gosh, look at how she's dressed or Look at her house. If I'm at peace with it, then it puts other people at peace too.
Carla: I'm a big fan of the drop in. Sure my house could always be cleaner, but if I spend the whole time shuffling and moving things around and neither of us can relax, it creates an inhospitable environment for both of us.
For me, hospitality is about the relationship and not about the beautiful scones that I baked this morning and the fresh made coffee and the big, fluffy couch. I feel like the hospitality part is who I am and who they are and the conversation and relationship we have.
So for me the drop in isn't a stressful situation, unless I decide to make it that way. I've chosen not to make it that way anymore, because there's no point. Then I miss out on this visit with a friend who popped over. Sometimes I feel bad that I don't have decent food to offer them. I've got a cold Diet Coke and some chips and salsa. That's the best I can do.
If someone comes to my house and they're going to base their opinion of me on how clean my kitchen floor is, we probably aren't going to build a deep relationship anyway.
Related Topics:
Anxiety, Appearances, Caring, Cheerfulness, Home, Self-confidence, Service, Shyness, Welcoming
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Susan Ely
I am probably the opposite of domestically challenged but over the years came to realize that I was making it all about me, rather than about my guests. These days my hospitality is ratcheted way down in terms of "perfection," when it comes to fancy food, table top or even how clean my house is. I want people to catch the vision for true hospitality, not come away saying, "I could never do that!"
Deloris
Great article. I really needed that one.
Elizabeth
This is something I struggle with. Our tiny condo (1100 sq ft for 5 people) has no dining room, so we nearly never have anyone over for dinner, and it makes me so sad. We have had people over for holiday meals sometimes --- people who are actually more like family --- but it does not feel celebratory to eat a meal in the midst of dirty dishes you used to prep the meal. It just feels disgusting. I don't know how to get past this awful feeling.
Kathleen McConnell(Registered User)
I had seven house guests over the course of last week. Before hand God gave me a real revelation similar to this. One of my favorite homes to visit is a small cluttered rancher of a dear friend. It isn't a B&B but the hospitality, the warmth I feel there is so much more dear than anything Martha Stewart can whip up!
Carol
Reminds me of the little poem: Come in, sit down, Relax, converse. My house isn't always like this; Sometimes it's even worse!
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