A Skeptic's Singleness Prayers
"I've told God this is going to be the year," my friend Jenny announced recently over lunch. "I don't have to get married within the next year, I just want to meet the guy."
"Oh really," I said with what I hoped was a small amount of skepticism in my voice. Something about "telling God" anything made me a smidge nervous. But I wanted to hear my friend out before jumping in with my reservations.
"Yeah," she continued. "The Bible says we're supposed to pray boldly and with specific requests. And well, I'm tired of just sitting here waiting for something to happen, cautiously approaching relationships and God. So I've joined several online dating services, and I've started praying big prayers. We'll see what happens." She shrugged and flashed me an optimistic smile, as if to say I know this is a little crazy, but what have I got to lose?
I fought back the urge to challenge her stance. Instead, after a few moments' pause, I offered a supportive, "Well, you'll have to keep me posted on how that goes."
Her words turned over and over in my head in the days following our lunch. Something about them—besides the ring of bossing God around—didn't sit right with me. It took me a while to realize what was bothering me: I was worried.
Worried for Jenny, who suffered a huge breakup last year. The protective friend in me didn't want her to get hurt again if God didn't answer her prayer in the way she hoped. And frankly, I was doubtful that he would.
It took me longer to pinpoint what else about Jenny's prayer was getting to me. It was the presence of something in hers that seemed almost absent in mine: bold faith.
I thought back years to my honest prayers about my desire for a spouse, for a co-conspirator in life. Prayers that seemed to go unanswered for years on end. Emotionally weary from the unmet desires, I eventually stopped communicating them. God knew I wanted to be married. Telling him again and again I still wanted to be married felt redundant and a smidge ungrateful considering all he has blessed me with over the years. Kind of like a kid on his eighth birthday saying, "Thanks for the party, the toys, the games, the clothes—but what I really wanted was a pony."
Then I thought of all the caveats. The prayers like, "God, I know countless singles who want to be married and who are so weary of the waiting. I mean, I know people are dying of AIDS in Africa and genocide in Darfur, and those are the real tragedies. But at times, this feels like a tragedy … all this legitimate but unmet longing." And then there was, "God, I miss kissing. I mean not just kissing for kissing's sake, but kissing someone I'm really into. And yes, I know kissing isn't everything—that there are other more important parts of a relationship. But right now, I miss kissing." All the contextualizing and caveating were exasperating. I'm sure I made even God tired with my blathering on. This too winnowed down my prayers.
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