A Hope for Broken Marriages
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Heart pounding, Linda Rooks watched her husband's car disappear around the corner. Through 27 years of marriage, she and Marv had always agreed divorce would never be part of their vocabulary. Though their marriage had become increasingly turbulent over the past two years, including a brief separation, she was shocked that he'd not only packed and left but stated the unthinkable: "I want a divorce." "It felt as if my world was falling apart," she recalls.
That day in 1995 was the beginning of a difficult journey. For the first four months, Linda and Marv didn't even see each other. Unable to communicate with him, she journaled her anger and grief. Why won't he talk to me? she agonized. What am I going to do?
Devastated, Linda talked with a church counselor."Most couples don't really want to divorce the person," he told her. "They want to divorce the form of the marriage and what it's become."
"It got me thinking," she says. "I started to read marriage books and for the first time realized I was responsible for some of the problems in our marriage. My husband had things he needed to work on—but so did I."
Going Public
As Linda began to change her behavior—praising more and criticizing less—Marv slowly responded by making changes in himself. They attended counseling sessions and worked on improving communication and resolving conflict. Though still separated, they went out regularly to dinner or a movie, rebuilding their friendship.
In the spring of 1998, Marv moved back in.
A few months later, as Linda sifted through the journal entries she'd written during the separation, she felt a growing desire to help others struggling with a marriage in crisis. Part of her hesitated, however, recognizing that to be truly effective, she'd need to share personal details from her marriage.
"I thought, I don't know if I want to put my life out there," she says. "Both my husband and I are private people." So private, in fact, that some of their friends never knew the couple had been separated—for three years.
Wanting Marv's blessing, Linda gathered her courage and showed him what she'd written. "He told me, 'Linda, this is a way to make all the pain we've gone through be something that can glorify God. This is Romans 8:28.'"
With that support, Linda wrote a book, Broken Heart on Hold: Surviving Separation. Soon she began to receive e-mails from readers. Touched by so many people pouring out their pain, Linda responded to each one. Eventually she started an e-newsletter to reach hurting people during difficult times, such as Christmas or Valentine's Day, and offer resources to help.
Marriage 911
Encouraged by the responses, Linda wanted to start a class at their church. When she approached Marv, he liked the idea, and they pursued it together. "At that point, people who were separated attended a divorce recovery class," Linda says. "Our pastor's wife agreed with us that separated people should be in a unique support situation that would encourage them to reconcile."
Originally published in: Today's Christian Woman, 2009, March/April, Vol. 31, Issue 2, Page 43
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Linda Rooks
I'm Linda Rooks, the person the article is about. I just realized these comments were here a couple of days ago. I'm so glad that some of you are encouraged by the article. For those of you who feel the article glazes over the fact that many people don't reconcile and/or things don't get happier, I want to point out that the above article is about our marriage ministry, not my book. Broken Heart on Hold, in fact, deals very honestly with the pain, acknowledging that some marriages will reconcile,and some won't. The purpose of the book is not only to give hope, but to make readers stronger emotionally and spiritually regardless of the outcome. If you want to see more, visit my website: brokenheartonhold.com. For a quick overview of the process we went through to find healing, you can watch this 2 minute video from our interview on 100 Huntley Street. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=465ClpTNwZE
saprina john
I was marred 4 years 7mo to a wonderful man who I loved and had a baby girl and a boy. One day he left me and the kids and ran away and my whole world fell down Pray that God will restore this marriage and bring him home.
Claudia
I am still with my husband who had an affair last year. It was over, but after a few months they started seeing each other as friends. I don't trust them and even though I try, I can't forgive or forget the affair. I'm just waiting for them to get together again before I file for divorce. I'm not really sure I want to work it out but why can't I just leave him ?
sal
I have been separated over two years. Although, I interceded in prayer and commited over two years to reconciliation by God's Word, 1 Cor 7, still my spouse wants nothing with me or God. I realize there are many whose marriages will not be restored and mine is one of them. Just as many believers are not healed, in my situation it is not God's perfect will to change an unwilling heart. I have come to endure this rejection and just as many great biblical saints had to endure gruesome ends, I will also endure to the finish line. Praise GOd anyway. He is GOOD all the time. Our final destination is with Him not our earthly marriage.
Jekwu
thanks for this wonderful article. i'm going through separation at the moment but your story have renewed my hope, faith and trust in God that what He has joined together, no man can put asunder. His words must surely come to pass in my marriage. My husband opened his doors to gossips which shattered our marriage (temporaly). i ran for safety with my three children ages(now): 5, 3, and 1. he denied even the patternity of our three children and declared me a prostitude. is a year and 1mth since we separated but he has never sent us a penny. in all this, i'm still forgiving him and will continue to while holding on strongly to God knowing that His power supercides all powers. i know that my dear husband will one day regain himself from the spirit that over took him and all strange women and unfriendly friends will flee. i still pray for his deliverance and conversion every now and then. one thing i know is sure: "I MUST GIVE MY TESTIMONY" to the glory of God, AMEN.
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