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When I first met Karyn*, her zany humor and spiritual depth drew me in. Even though we're polar opposites—I love hiking and adventure, she likes sitting on the deck and sipping tea—we connected instantly. We talked about everything, especially our families.

Then Karyn's husband, eager for a new beginning, quit his job. Before long, however, it became evident he wasn't actively seeking employment. He stayed up late at night, watching endless hours of television, then slept long into the day. Soon he withdrew from friends, family, and Karyn, even refusing to go to church with her. The harder Karyn tried to help—begging him to visit a counselor, highlighting possible employment ads, asking him to reconnect with church friends—the more her husband resisted.

I was in unfamiliar territory as a friend. Angered by how Karyn's husband treated her, I offered opinions instead of listened to her. As her marriage spiraled downhill, our conversations grew more stilted. Not wanting to add to Karyn's pain, I carefully sidestepped the topic of my healthy marriage.

Overwhelmed by life, Karyn isolated herself from her close friends. As the barriers between us seemed to loom larger, I made the mistake of letting our friendship slip away just when she needed me most.

One day, while I prayed for Karyn, tears streaming down my face, God reminded me that while I couldn't mend Karyn's marriage, I could love her through the hard times. I realized I needed to search for gentle, creative, practical ways to support her in the midst of her crisis, instead of wait for her to ask me for help. That's what being committed to our friendship—for better, for worse—meant.

Unsure where to begin, I contacted a few friends who'd also experienced the pain of an unhappy marriage. Their advice started me on the right path.

1. Provide comfort.

Whether it's chocolate, a hug, a kind word, or time for a nap, small comforts remind your friend she's not alone in her time of need. Treat her to lunch. Babysit her children for a few hours to allow her personal time. Whip up her favorite dessert. Send her a photo of you two with a personal inscription. Buy her a gift certificate for a massage, or join her for a pedicure or manicure.

I knew Karyn loves candles and solitude, so I filled a small gift bag with tea lights, soothing bath beads, and lotion. Inside I placed a fun card I'd signed, "I miss you." When I dropped by her workplace and handed her the gift, she gave me a warm hug. We talked for a few minutes, and then I left. Those moments were a start to restoring our friendship.

When the husband of my friend Cheryl became addicted to alcohol, Cheryl was so busy caring for her children that she had no time left to care for herself.

Then one day, while she and her college-aged son stood in line at McDonald's, he put his arms around her tightly and asked, "When was the last time someone who truly loves you hugged you?" To this day Cheryl remembers the power of her son's hug and caring words.

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This article resonates. Four years ago my husband betrayed me. I was blindsided and devastated. The grief of losing a loved one to death was not as intense. My best friend was there through it all, but eventually became so intrusive, I ended up lying to her to avoid her lectures. All was done it love, but it became yet another burden. Other close friends simply listened, cried with me, hugged me, brought little gifts and even meals. They let me be me. My healing could begin. Amazingly and miraculously, my husband and I reunited. A horrible tragedy catapulted us back together. Due to too much advice and meddling, the best friend relationship has never been restored to its former level. I do understand my friend's distance. She continues to harbor intense negative feelings toward my husband because she saw how deeply I was hurt. My other close friends, who chose a more loving, supportive approach, have remained close. The article speaks wisdom. Listen, friends.

This piece was refreshingly well-written (though a less-used example than the spinach one was surely available!). I also appreciated the "platitudes" discussion. The author was dead-on in her description of how irritating and smug they can make even the most well-meaning advice seem. Job well done.

Dear Sisters, I am well aware that divorces have soared in these last two decades. But why? There seems to be always ONLY ONE REASON: THE MAN's FAILURE. I am not so sure of that. In honesty: we mustn't exclude ourselves from it. We have fought for changing the roles - in everything (except having babies). We did, however, not give support to the other side. A lot a hot air: the "New Man" (not a man, but a eunuch) the "House Husband" (or servant). The "Family Courts" (or "feminist tribunals", too often in line with NOW who declared: the destruction of marriage and family is the most important aim of women now.) You mentioned talking, putting an arm round as important ways of helping. But you never said that you should do it to him. I admit: we think too much of ourselves. - That he has problems too, and may be too afraid to tell, because we have so much power now. - Our men need that too. To be together "for better or worse" is just not running away as soon as he looses his job.

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