Average Joe
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[1 Comment]My son's an average student, but hates to read; he's an OK athlete, but doesn't enjoy sports—unlike many of his friends who are really involved in school and athletics. I don't want to be pushy, but should I be doing more to help him succeed?
I don't like the term "average." There's no such thing as an average child as far as God's concerned. Sometimes we parents get sucked into comparing our children against the social norm. I don't know who "Norm" is, but he isn't my child, and I don't want my kids looking like him!
Take another look at your son. Is he a really good friend to others? Is he quick to sense when you're down and offer an encouraging hug? Would you say there's a refreshing humility about him? The world tends to measure success on a different scale than God does. Ask the Lord to help you see your son through his eyes.
Perhaps God doesn't need your son to be involved in sports or excel in school to fulfill the purpose for which he created him. Maybe your son was born to become an amazing father—and as long as he can read his Bible and a few fairy tales, then he doesn't have to enjoy reading. Or maybe he'll end up coaching Little League instead of playing on a team. Your son could very well grow up to become the one everyone turns to because he's never too busy to listen.
I believe the world could use fewer heroes on the field and more parents at home. More servants than scientists. And a lot fewer celebrities in exchange for a lot more neighbors. So trust God to bring your child's giftedness to the surface in his timing. In the meantime, keep your eyes open for opportunities to nurture your son in areas not as obvious as athletics, school, or the arts.
The "Whine Factor"
I thought once we were out of the "terrible twos," temper tantrums would cease, but I've learned they only take on a new form—whining! My daughters, ages 8 and 11, whine if something doesn't go their way. This "whine factor" is driving me nuts.
Once I realized whining is simply manipulation in a cute little dress, I found it much easier to deal with. You need to treat it like any other bad habit—help them break it. So refuse to respond to whining under any circumstance.
The next time one of your daughters whines about something, calmly look her in the eye and say, "I'm sorry. I don't speak 'whinese.' Please translate your complaint into a tone I can respond to, and we'll talk." Stand firm and don't be drawn into a "nasal argument."
As soon as your daughter can converse in a normal tone of voice, listen carefully to her grievance. Show her you value her feelings. Consider her viewpoint, and state your reasons for your decision. You may end up changing your mind or giving her an explanation for why you're sticking to your guns.
Hopefully your daughters will come to understand whining gets them nowhere—but that when they talk to you with respect, you'll take time to listen. If they continue to whine after that, simply refuse to continue the dialogue. A one-way conversation gets boring real fast.
Originally published in: Today's Christian Woman, 2006, January/February, Vol. 28, Issue 1, Page 14
Related Topics:
Achievement, School, Child, Strong-Willed, Comparison, God' Purpose, Manipulation, Shaping Child, Whining
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Heather
I really enjoyed this article, especially the part on "Whinese." This was a helpful article - it reinforced my commitment to not tolerate whining.
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