Worried About Worrying
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My daughter Charlotte just got her driver's license and first car. It's been a rocky time for me. Keeping track of where she is. Making sure she doesn't use her phone while she's driving. Struggling not only to accept but also to embrace her acceleration toward independence. Worrying. Yesterday she drove 40 miles to Barnes & Noble. Her goal was to go that far alone, to cross "the big road" into their parking lot (highways terrify her), to order a grande Earl Grey tea, to read in one of their dingy armchairs, and then to come home. All innocent desires. And at least midway through her adventure, I knew she was fine, because my husband, Kris, and I met up with her briefly at the bookstore, where we always go at the end of our weekly date. Still, I worried the whole way home. When police sent us around an accident, I was sure it was Charlotte and made Kris defy the law and bypass the detour to see.
Meanwhile, our younger daughter, Lulu, is a thousand miles away attending what she calls "nerd camp": a college course for high schoolers on politics and literature. So far, it's been mostly about existentialism. They're reading bleak novels arguing that God doesn't exist and only personal choice matters.
"They're so depressing," Lulu told me, "they make me want to go to church."
That statement was startling from a kid who's been unenthusiastic about church of late, maybe because she's 14, or maybe because our family's been visiting different churches for a while looking for one that pleases us all equally—for a church, in other words, that doesn't exist. Wherever we go, both girls act bored during the service and criticize everything afterwards. Soon, they'll be on their own and may not attend church at all, and I wrestle with the worries of all parents with children apathetic about church: Does God matter to them? Do they sense his presence in their lives? Will they abandon not just church but God himself as they escape further and further into a world beyond my influence or control?
Worrying is a sin, my Christian friends always tell me. They point to angels saying "Fear not!" all the time, and they quote Paul's famous advice from his prison cell: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:6-7, TNIV). My friends think we should be like Paul: "content in any and every situation" (Philippians 4:12, TNIV).
I tell my friends that worrying is a way of praying. I even have a name for it: pray-worrying. Indeed, what is praying but giving voice to worries as a means of seeking that elusive peace Paul promises God will send?
Nevertheless, I've secretly added worrying itself to my list of worries. I know I worry too much. Not only about dramatic disasters, like Charlotte's being killed or maimed in a car accident, but about my daughters' coming under the tutelage of ardent atheists or questioning matters of faith or making bad choices in life.
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Average User Rating:
Nicole
I was reading your article and thinking: concern and worrying are probably two similar but very different things...like for example worrying being excessive and unrealistic concern. Because the image of God worrying just doesn't sit right with me.
Debbie Jansen
Thanks so much for this article! I'm a pray-worrier too and never thought to assign a name to it. I agree with you completely that prayer is basically our desire to let God be a part of what's going on in our lives and that includes petitions based on fears. Great article!
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