Tackling Teasing
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[0 Comment]EIGHT-YEAR-OLD Heidi ran into her house and burst into tears. Her mom, Elaine, threw her arms around her sobbing daughter and listened as Heidi described yet another day of taunting by classmates. "They call me Heidi Hippo and laugh at me," she sobbed. "They make me so mad!"
Heidi wasn't thin—but she wasn't overweight, either. But with Heidi for a name and hippos in vogue among her age group, Heidi was fair game for a bunch of teasing children.
Unfortunately, teasing's a fact of life. But while some teasing's fairly innocent, other teasing torments. At its worst, teasing contributes to hurt, isolation, and even deadly retaliation.
When is teasing playful, and when does it turn destructive? How should you handle it if your child's the victim—or the teaser?
When teasing becomes cruel
"Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me."
No statement's further from the truth; words do hurt, and they do heal. The apostle James has much to say about the tongue's power: "And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right" (James 3:10).
That's why, when teasing's used as a putdown, it's wrong. One mother noticed her overweight 14-year-old daughter sitting on the family room couch, watching television. "Get off that couch before you leave a dent in it!" she laughingly remarked. But her comment wasn't funny to a young adolescent struggling with weight. Teasing that criticizes one's looks is especially painful, so teach your child she must never poke fun at someone about his or her body. It's off limits.
Young children often tell a sibling, "You stupid …." Don't permit this, either. A child who's allowed to verbally abuse his or her siblings or parents is more likely to become a mouthy teenager who blasts peers and disrespects adults.
When my child's the vicim
Some sensitive children dissolve into tears at the slightest teasing. But it's not always in the best interest of your child for you to come to the rescue. Your child matures as he learns to handle things on his own.
At some point, every child will be the brunt of teasing. A wise parent won't make a bigger deal of it than it is. Instead, encourage your kid to laugh at herself or to ignore the barbs. Often a teaser quits when he doesn't provoke a reaction.
There will be times, however, when the teasing's more serious. What if your daughter's in tears again over the cruelty of another girl in her class? Take her feelings seriously; listen as she tells you what happened. Then—together—develop a strategy for the next time she has a similar encounter. If the problem continues, talk to her teacher to uncover what's really going on in class and work with the teacher to help both parties resolve the issue. If the teasing borders on dangerous threats, by all means contact the proper authorities. Persist until you receive help.
Originally published in: Today's Christian Woman, 1999, September/October, Vol. 21, Issue 5, Page 26
Related Topics:
Bullying, Child-rearing, Children, parenting
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