Strange New World of Motherhood

Kim Neessen

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SIXTEEN MONTHS AGO, I became a first-time mother. Kind friends and family members have told me I'm a natural, that I've blended into this motherhood role easily. Oh, really? I would have sworn the word rookie (or better yet, clueless) was imprinted on my forehead for all to see. But I'm not totally to blame. These kind friends and family members failed to tell me some important things about becoming a mom. Here's what I've learned (better late than never!) about this strange new world of motherhood:

YOU'LL CARRY A BAG THE SIZE OF NORTH AMERICA
Once I was brave enough to venture out into society with my baby (I believe he was seven months old), I realized I'd need to bring along nearly everything in my son's nursery. Thankfully, a wise friend had given us the perfect shower gift—a handy piece of luggage known as the diaper bag. The bag she'd selected for us was big enough to hold 56 diapers, 3 tubs of wipes, 8 changes of clothing, 20 burp cloths, 12 bottles, and enough toys to pacify 30 screaming babies. It was tough, but I made it hold everything we'd need for our 15-minute run to the store.

YOU'LL ACTUALLY ENJOY WATCHING PBS!
I've made new friends while staying at home—from a big purple dinosaur to clowns to furry puppets of every shape and variety. And while I'd long agreed with those who criticize setting your child in front of the television set and coming back to get him 12 years later, I now find myself drawn not only to children's shows, but to documentaries and special programs—the kind I used to view to cure my insomnia. All of a sudden I have a strong interest in the mating rituals of insects and the secrets of gourmet Cajun cooking!

Maybe it's the calm, soothing voices of the public television announcers. Ultimately, I think it's the fact that the most rewarding type of entertainment for children (and myself) is the kind from which you can learn something worthwhile—even on TV.

YOU'LL THINK YOUR APPLIANCES ARE A GIFT FROM GOD
I've noticed my attitude toward household items has changed. For example, I've fallen in love with my washer and dryer. Once we moved into our little house right after Jonathon was born and adopted our very own washer and dryer, I was filled with excitement when I discovered I could clean our clothes at ANY time of day without having to spit out endless quarters! With my newborn son going through 28 sets of clothing a day, I desperately needed my beloved appliances. They stood by me during those times and truly brightened and whitened my days.

Jonathon's single-handedly dismantled
the toilet lock, cabinet locks, gate lock,
and his favorite chew toy—the oven lock.

I try not to let my washer and dryer know this, but now that Jonathon can walk, I'm starting to feel the same way about my cordless phone. Whereas the first relationship gave me stability in those messy times, my cordless phone now brings wonderful freedom to my life.

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Originally published in: Today's Christian Woman, 1999, March/April, Vol. 21, Issue 2, Page 86

Related Topics:
Humor, Motherhood

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