Sex Ed at home
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My parents were never very comfortable talking with my sisters and I about sex. Mom became unusually reserved whenever the subject came up, though she would talk openly about her own embarrassing dating encounters. For the most part, Dad was silent on the subject, apart from a few well-timed chuckles. Perhaps it was that awkwardness that prompted me to want to teach my children differently.
Determined to create an open atmosphere in our home where our kids felt free to talk with us about anything, my husband and I resolved to stay calm regardless of what our children asked. For us, the question wasn't whether we would teach our kids about sexuality, but when and how.
And it wasn't long before our kids began to ask tough questions: Dad, is it true that a man puts his penis in a woman's vagina to make a baby?and did you do that to Mom? Yikes!
I can clearly recall the day our 4-year-old daughter barged in on me in the bathroom and cried out, "Mommy! What's that?", pointing to the sanitary pad in my hand. After a brief, what-do-I-say-now moment of panic, I took a cleansing breath, smiled and gave Joanna my best?albeit totally spontaneous?answer.
We all want our children to have a healthy, godly view of sex and sexuality. We want to be our children's primary source of information about sex. But many of us have no clue how to talk to our children about such a sensitive, and sometimes embarrassing subject. Here are some principles that will help.
Live what you teach
Children learn about love and sex by watching their parents' interaction with each other. How you respond to your spouse, as well as other people you care about, will shape your child's view of love.
The first step in teaching kids about sexuality is enabling them to both give and receive love, according to Stanton Jones, Ph.D., a psychologist and provost at Wheaton College in Illinois.
"Which is more convincing?" he asks. "Distant, rigid, unemotional parents who force their children to memorize ?God is love' while rarely embracing them, or loving parents who share with their children the joys of God's love while holding them and embodying that love in a vivid way?"
You are your child's first experience with the physical side of love, whether it's the way you stroke a new baby, tickle your 2-year-old or hug your 6-year-old. Each touch and coo communicates affection and deep love. Even newborns recognize the voice and touch of the people who care for them. As children get older, physical contact translates to a feeling of security, which in turn translates to a sense of being loved.
Children also learn about love by watching their parents. When children see Mommy and Daddy hug, kiss and snuggle, they know that those gestures are expressions of love. As they get older, they'll recognize that physical affection is a natural way for married people to show their love. And by the time they begin making their own choices about sex, they'll have an internal sense of the joy of physical intimacy within marriage.
Originally published in: Christian Parenting Today, Page 64
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