Loving Discipline that Works

Feel like all you do is yell at your kids? Here's a better way

Gary Chapman, with Ron R. Lee

Average Rating: Not rated

[0 Comment]

There are no previous pages

1 of 4

Parents face dilemmas like this almost daily: Mikey talks back when you tell him to pick up his toys. He's been talking back a lot, in fact, and you've had it. After getting your anger under control, you send him to his room. You tell yourself: "He'll think twice before he sasses me again."

The next day in the car, you tell Mikey to stop kicking the back of your seat. But he keeps kicking all the way to the store, then throws a fit when you won't buy him a box of Happy Hyper Flakes cereal.

When you get him home, you put his favorite toy on a closet shelf, sit him down for a time-out, and tell him he won't be allowed to watch his favorite Veggie Tales video all day. But after his time-out there's another confrontation, and you're about to lose your mind. That's when you ask yourself: "What am I doing wrong? Why can't he just behave?" You know you can't go on like this, but you feel like you've exhausted all the options.

Positive Discipline

We make discipline a bigger challenge than it needs to be, in part, because we tend to equate discipline with punishment. But punishment is only a small part of the process. It's more helpful to think of the positive side of discipline, a word that means "training." In training our children to become responsible adults, we teach them the values and skills they need to succeed in life. It's a positive enterprise.

For example, when a child is rude to an adult, a parent's initial reaction might be to punish the child. But before taking that step, consider whether proper manners have been explained to the child. Rudeness can be replaced with respectful behavior. And in practicing good manners, the child also learns important social skills that she'll use the rest of her life. Where punishment might have solved a temporary problem, training sets behavior on a positive course for life.

Cultivate a better-behaved child by remembering that punishment is only a small part of discipline.

A second aspect of discipline is correction. While punishment involves a penalty, correction involves turning a child away from disobedience so he'll head in the right direction. In many instances, a word of correction is all that's needed: "Don't ride your Big Wheel into the street because you might get hit by a car."

If words don't work, the next step is corrective action. Let's say the child insists on riding his Big Wheel into the street. Before punishing him, take an intermediate step. Calmly lead him to the back yard swingset. Now removed from the temptation of a busy street, he can have fun in a safer part of the yard.

Even when our children repeatedly disobey us, we still need to love them as we discipline them.

Training our children and correcting them with words and actions are ways we teach and guide without resorting to penalties. But if your child continues to defy you, it's time for punishment. That's when discipline becomes negative because punishment causes discomfort.

next page... |

There are no previous pages

1 of 4

Originally published in: Christian Parenting Today, Page 38

More from Gary Chapman, with Ron R. Lee:
Kyria.com | Books

Join the Kyria.com Community!

Become a member to have access to the following:

Full access to the bimonthly Kyria digizine, each issue focusing on a spiritual discipline or theme
50 percent discount on all of the downloadable resources in the Kyria Store
Hundreds of members-only articles for thoughtful, influential women