Big Bad Bullies

If your child's getting picked on, here's what you can do

Dandi Daley Mackall

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I knew that before I could help my daughter, I needed God to help me.

Something was wrong. I could tell by my daughter Katy's first step out the school door. She hung her head, slipped into the car, and buckled her seat belt without being told.

"How was your day, honey?" I asked cautiously.

"Fine."

Fifth grade's no picnic for any child, especially one who sticks out in class. And Katy has a rare neurological disorder that's impaired her hearing and speech. Katy's school days are seldom fine—and this day seemed less "fine" than most.

I started the car, the engine's rumble matching the churning inside me. As we left the parking lot in silence, Katy studied her backpack buckle.

I breathed a quick prayer, then asked, "Katy, what happened?"

Her words, like her tears, started spilling over. "Mitch stood behind me. He made fun of me. He talked funny. Like me."

"Katy, I'm sorry," I said.

But Katy wasn't finished. "Then Melissa and Brianna laughed. They all laughed at me."

Katy cried.

I squeezed the steering wheel and told Katy how much I loved her, including the way she talked. Then we made an unscheduled stop for ice cream.

It's tough in the school trenches. And if a student has a disability, as Katy does, it's that much harder. But even average school-age children may find themselves targets of a bully.

Linda's second-grade daughter gets teased for being overweight. Her fourth-grade son is ridiculed for wearing thick glasses. Another seventh grader refuses to participate in sports because he's not a natural athlete. He can't stand the verbal abuse when he strikes out. And a friend's daughter, Nicole, struggles with assignments. She's been labeled slow or even stupid by several of her classmates. They think Nicole doesn't hear their whispers.

What can we do when a bully targets our kids? Here are a few ground rules.

Pray!

As Katy and I ate our mint chocolate chip ice cream after school, I felt like screaming, if not at Mitch and his parents, then at God. Couldn't God shield Katy from bullies at school? But I knew that before I could help Katy, I needed God to help me. So I prayed about my attitude, then asked God to comfort me. Only then could I take a deep breath and ask him to give me the words to help Katy. Then Katy and I prayed together for wisdom to handle her bully.

Prayer's the first step in dealing with a bully. And since bullies are seldom handled quickly, persistent prayer may be necessary. When Janice started a neighborhood Bible club one summer, her daughter, Melinda, began to lose her neighborhood friends as a result. The other girls stopped inviting Melinda to overnights and birthday parties, and when they started up a softball game, they told Melinda she couldn't play.

Janice and Melinda prayed about the problem, but nothing seemed to change. Even though Melinda tried telling the girls that being left out made her feel sad, things were never the same.

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Originally published in: Today's Christian Woman, 1996, September/October, Vol. 18, Issue 5, Page 64

Related Topics:
Bullying, Children, parenting

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