Could This Be Your Child?
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[0 Comment]You get a call from the principal at your son's elementary school. There's been a fight and now your boy's in the office, nursing a black eye. You're halfway out the door when you ask the principal, "So who's the bully? I hope he's getting punished."
"He is," the principal says. "I've decided to suspend him for two days. And you're on your way to pick him up right now. It's your son."
The principal keeps talking, but you're in disbelief. My son? A bully?
Yes, it's possible. Consider the statistics: The Committee for Children found that 78% of 3rd through 8th graders polled had been bullied in the previous month. Somebody's doing the bullying. And it could be your child.
Clearly, bullying and teasing can have a tremendous impact on the victim. But children who intentionally hurt other childrenwhether with their fists, their words, or their actionsalso need help from the adults who love them. We parents need to be willing to recognize that even our own precious angels can sometimes hurt other childrenphysically or emotionally.
If you discover that your child has been antagonizing other children, try to root out the cause of your child's behavior even as you work to change it. Here's how:
Accept Responsibility
Almost universally, school administrators say parental involvement is critical in changing a child's behavior. But first, parents have to be willing to admit there's a problem.
"Parents often refuse to accept that their child could be a bully," says Dr. Jerry Daniel, administrator of Trinity Christian School in Rock Hill, South Carolina. Naturally, we want to think the best of our children, but we have to be willing to listen to other adults in our children's lives. We need to recognize that nearly every child is capable of cruelty.
We also need to understand that bullying is more than just an occasional harsh word or hit; most kids will have conflict of some kind during their school years. But the bullying that should lead to concern is a pattern of behavior that results in frequent peer problems at school. If a teacher, administrator, or parent reports that your child has recurring conflicts, it's time to step in.
While it's important to let your child explain her side of the story, you're unlikely to get a contrite confession. Dr. Daniel says, "Research shows that most bullies are blind to their actions. They don't see themselves as bullies and are able to rationalize their actions as justified." Steve McChesney, who runs the Bully-Free Kids website (www.bullyfreekids.com), notes that bullies often blame their victims. In fact, parents of bullies may even find themselves blaming an outside source. "Parents, just like children, fall into the 'transference of blame' syndrome," says McChesney. "I've heardvarious excuses from parents, like the father left the family, there is a new baby in the house, or kids pick on their kid."
Originally published in: Christian Parenting Today, Page 36
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