HOME ALONE with the Kids

Surviveand even thrivewhen your spouse is on the road

Suzanne Woods Fisher

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My husband has traveled for business for as long as we've been married. When we moved to Hong Kong a few years ago, Steve's travel increased to the point where he's away more than 50 percent of the time. Needless to say, I've grown accustomed to coping as a solo parent of our four children.

This lifestyle is no picnic. Last December, Steve missed every Christmas event, from our second grader's performance as Joseph in his school pageant, to our high schooler's band concert, to a special holiday ball we were invited to. So I put my party dress back into the closet and loaded my camera with fresh film to document the holiday events for Dad to see when he returned.

Am I bitter? I'm not. Disappointed at times, yes. But bitter, no.

Amazingly, after years of this rather demanding lifestyle, our marriage and family are stronger and more unified than ever. God has been faithful to honor our desire to be a strong, healthy family despite Steve's travel, but we still have to work hard to keep our family close.

If you've got a spouse who travels, even if it's only an occasional trip, you've probably felt some of the unique pressures that can wreak havoc on a family. We've found that with extra effort and a little creativity, we can lessen the negative impact of Dad's (or Mom's) absence.

OPEN the lines of communication

Separations are not easy or ideal, but sometimes they are unavoidablemilitary duty, business opportunities, mission work, advanced education. A commitment to communication is critical to keeping your relationship on solid ground during times apart.

Double your efforts to communicate with each other. And take the extra time to help kids communicate with the absent parent, too. Take full advantage of technology: e-mail, faxes, voice mail.

"When my wife, Kristen, was traveling overseas," says Dave, a dad from Los Altos, California, "it was difficult for her to call during times when the kids were home and awake. She admitted she didn't like calling home at those times because at least one child would always say something that would be hard for her, like Can't you come home today?' So we switched to e-mail."

Another traveling mom, Mary, hides notes for her daughter to find while she's on a business trip. "They'll say something like: Thanks for practicing the piano,' or funny things: Is Dad driving you nuts yet?' or even a reminder: Keep feeding the cats!' I keep a count of them so when I call she can tell me how many she's found."

The kids need to know their absent parent is accessible. When my son Gary was chosen to be on a special basketball team, he wanted to call his dad with the news. To my surprise, he called Steve's cell phoneinterrupting a business meeting in South Africa. (Oops!)

Apparently, I hadn't made it clear that the kids should call Steve's office number to leave a message on voice mail. Still it was wonderful that Gary felt he could contact his dad anywhere, anyplace, anytime. And to his credit, Steve welcomed the interruption. It gives the kids a sense of security and importance to know that Dad wants to hear about what's happening to themhot off the press!

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Originally published in: Christian Parenting Today, Page 44

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