From Your Heart to Theirs

Want to make sure your children really feel loved? Family life experts Teresa and David Ferguson tell you how

Interview by Ron R. Lee

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We give our children lots of hugs, we teach them good from bad, we take them to soccer practiceall signs of our intense love for them. But how can we know if our love really touches their hearts? According to family life experts David and Teresa Ferguson, we need look no further than God and his love for us. The Fergusons lead seminars on marriage and family life through Intimate Life Ministries and write books, including The Great Commandment Principle(Tyndale), to help parents connect with their kids on a deeper level. We talked with Teresa and David, the parents of three grown children, to learn more about how parents can really touch the hearts of their children.

Your approach is based on understanding how God relates to us, then using that same approach to draw closer to our children. Why is that the place to start?

David: We can't love those nearest to us until we understand God's love for us. Before we start meeting our children's needs, we need to first deal with the awe and wonder of how God has met our needs. Then we'll better understand how we can pass on God's brand of love to our children.
Teresa: Since God is the ideal parent, think about the things he has done. For instance, on the first day of Christ's public ministry, the heavens opened, the Spirit of God descended and the Father said: "This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased" (Matt. 3:17).

How can an earthly parent hope to attain the standard set by God the Father?

David: We can work at showing love to our children in the same ways God shows his love. Not long ago I talked to a dad who was giving everything he had to his job, working 70- and 80-hour weeks. He told me, "I feel more adequate at the office than I do at home. On the job, I can manage and direct and plan. But when I go home, I don't even know what a daddy does."
I told him, "Why don't you do what God the Father did for his Son?" So this man went home and walked up to his 6-year-old, who was outside playing. He said to his son, "Today I was reminded how proud I am that you're my son and how much I love you. I just had to tell you that." He hugged the boy and went in the house to tell his other children the same thing.
Can you imagine the impact that had on this little boy? He was left standing in the yard wondering "What did I do to deserve that?" He didn't do anything to deserve it, of course; he was just the man's son.

When we look at God's example, we realize he was dealing with a perfect Son. How does your idea apply to limited, human parents whose children can be a real challenge sometimes?

Teresa: The Bible tells us what motivates good behavior: "For Christ's love compels us " (2 Cor. 5:14). In other words, it's not a set of rules or the fear of God's punishment that keeps us under control. It's Christ's love for us that motivates good behavior.
So even when our children are being difficult, it still gets back to love. It's the love I give to my children that makes them want to follow the rules and do what's best. Just like it's Christ's love for me that makes me want to follow his rules for my life.

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Originally published in: Christian Parenting Today, Page 18

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