Bond or Bust

Long trips in the car are a great time for getting to know your kids better. Here's how

by Cindy Crosby

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"On the road again. I can't wait to get on the road again." I'm humming this Willie Nelson song as I pack our family's suitcases for the four-hour drive to my parents' house in Indiana. For us, and many other families these days, the trip to grandmother's house involves a whole lot more than a quick jaunt over the river and through the woods. Instead, many of us can only celebrate with extended family after a long journey via plane, train or automobile.

When you think of family travel, maybe you envision singing carols and laughing together as the miles tick by. Maybe you picture long, meaningful conversations with your spouse while the kids play happily in the back. But when reality sets in, most parents know that a long trip with kids is more likely to involve fights, whining and yelling.

But your family drive doesn't have to be a parenting nightmare. In fact, it's possible to take advantage of the fact that you're all stuck in the car together for hours and use your travel time to grow closer. While you probably can't eliminate every bit of stress, you can turn the trip into an important part of your happy holiday.

Road Relationships

Before you break out the portable VCR, Walkmans and Gameboys, here's something to consider. According to clinical psychotherapist Sherry Rediger, kids are more likely to have memories of your time traveling together than of the event itself. Rediger, her husband, Jeff, and their three young children regularly travel about 900 miles by car and airplane during the holidays to visit relatives. She encourages parents to think of traveling with your kids as a time to enter their world. "Traveling is one of the few times I have my children's complete attention and they have mine. Everyone is belted into a seat and no one can get up and run around," she says. Rediger suggests making the most of this time together by focusing on each other and playing creative games that help you get to know each other better.

For example, Rediger and her children play a game they call, "Where do you think that car is going?" It starts with a parent asking the question and pointing to a specific vehicle on the road. The child answers with "to the airport" or whatever destination they dream up. The whole family then makes up stories about the people in the car. The game can get as crazy and goofy as your family wants it to. While this game is a lot of fun, it can also spawn insights into what's happening in your child's world.

Rediger recounts playing the game with her 4-year-old, Bryn. "She told us the kids in another car were going to visit their grandma," Rediger said. "That was a good opportunity for us to talk about how much she was missing her grandmother and ways Bryn could stay in touch with her."

Open-ended questions can be a terrific springboard for discussion and help young children get excited about the holidays. Jane Jarrell, author of Holiday Hugs (Harvest House), suggests questions like, "What makes you feel most special at Christmas?" or "What's your favorite thing Grandma cooks at Thanksgiving?" You can also spark conversation with older children by asking leading questions such as "What is your best holiday memory?"

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Originally published in: Christian Parenting Today, Page 44

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