Mom's Journal

When Parenting Styles Clash

by Elisa Morgan, M.Div.

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My husband, Evan, and I differ in how we parent our children. Even our play habits reveal a contrast.

When our kids were little, I cooed, I snuggled, I built blanket forts where wed giggle as we read through an armload of books. Evans style was to walk in the door, grab our toddler and throw her up in the air with a "Whooooop!"

Differences in parenting can be a cause for conflict. Many times Ive bristled at Evans choices. He lets the kids go down the street to play with children I havent met (I havent approved them for interaction with my children). He sees nothing wrong with buying a trampoline for the backyard (yikeslawsuit material) or a puppy (just another baby in my book) for the family.

His choices are often not my choices. They bug me. And when I get bugged well, I tend to criticize. In fact, I can become downright mean.

It starts like this: were all at dinner and the subject of a trampoline comes up. "Puhlleeeeeezzze Mom!" "Yeah, pleeeezeDad says its OK!" I look at Evan. Weve had manyunderline thatmany conversations on this subject. He thinks trampolines are fun. I imagine my neck craned from every window in the house to watch over the back yard, phone in hand ready to dail 911.

"When did you say it was OK?" I hiss.

Its in moments like these that I conclude all logical and rational powers have evaporated from my dear husbands brain. In their place I see "irresponsible" and "immature." And because thats what I think I see, my actions are less than respectful.

"May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ" (Romans:15:5-6).

These words from Paul come from a passage on differences and on how to make room for them rather than judge them. Oops! Theres often no unity between my husband and me. Instead, its me versus him, my right way against his obviously wrong one. Oh yeah, and a couple of confused kids.

Over the years, Evan and I have had many differences of opinion on the subject of how to parent our children. But what we have in common is the goal: that they grow up to be God-loving people who are in the process of becoming like Jesus. When the goal is the same, the way its achieved doesnt really matter. Theres room for his and my way. In fact, our children need both ways.

And so I gave in. We got a trampoline. And Im stretching my neck musclesand my characterin amazing new directions.

Elisa Morgan is president of mops (Mothers of Preschoolers) International. Elisa lives in Colorado with her husband, Evan, and their two children. For information about a MOPS group in your area, call (800) 929-1287.

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Originally published in: Christian Parenting Today, Page 64

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