parenting your future teen
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[0 Comment]Parents whose kids are older than yours often play the "Just Wait" game. When you show these folks your darling infant, they reply, "Justwaitforthoseterribletwos." When your darling reaches 3, it's "Justwaittilltheygotoschool." And when it's full speed into preadolescence, they play the ultimate trump card: "Justwaittilltheybecometeens."
It's assumed you're incapable of preparing for that next stage of parenting. But we can train and strengthen ourselves for whatever adventures lie ahead. As a parent of three daughtersages 20, 16, and 12I know this firsthand. Now, based on research I completed last year, I have twenty-three experts to back me up. Key church and parachurch leaders provided practical insights on how to parent teens. Their comments were diverse, but they agreed on this single, significant truth: Successful parenting of teens requires successful parenting of young children. And very young children, at that.
Several practical suggestionsembracing three key conceptsemerged from our talks.
Key Concept 1: Honor Thy Kid
Repeatedly, leaders I spoke with focused on the Fifth Commandment: "Honor thy father and mother." But they also declared, "Honor thy child." So how do we honor our children?
We honor our kids by taking them seriously. Wayne Rice, president of Understanding Your Teenager, recalls, "One of my favorite memories of my dad is that he always laughed at my jokes. They were probably terrible. But he honored me by laughing at them."
Honoring our kids, then, means paying attention to them. Showing them respect. Building their self-esteem. Honoring kids means seeing the world the way they see it, then acting accordingly.
To take kids seriously we must avoid treating them like miniature adults, expecting too much, too soon. On the other hand, we must show them the dignity we extend to our closest adult peers. We differentiate between the child's performance and his or her person. Put another way, we distinguish what children are able to accomplish from who they are; their doing from their being.
We honor our kids by encouraging tough questions. "A kid should always have permission to ask 'why?' counsels Roger Cross, president of Youth for Christ, USA. "One great revelation in my walk with Christ was that if I couldn't ask questions, then God isn't who he says he is. We don't have to be afraid of any questions."
Ask yourself: "If a hidden video was produced of our family discussions, would the tape indicate that topics like finances, sexeven tough issues of faithare avoided?"
To help children prepare for adolescence, begin now by making family communication open. (This does not rule out the need for prudence and discretion.) As the saying goes: "Either Jesus is Lord of all or he's not Lord at all."
We honor our kids by creating an inviting home. Dave Rahn, associate dean of graduate studies and co-director of the link Institute at Huntington College (IN), suggests that preparing to parent teens effectively means having a home that welcomes family members and visitors alike. "I want my home to always be comfortable to my kids and their friends. In fact, that's how I measure success: whether or not my kids bring their friends home."
Originally published in: Christian Parenting Today, Page 38
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