Help! My Kid Wants Blue Hair
When my daughter Laura walks into church—or anywhere, for that matter—heads definitely turn. At 16, she's into wearing black: black fingernail polish, long black skirts, clunky black boots, black stockings, black shirts. If it's cold outside, a black sweatshirt. Her accessories are simple: a ring on every finger, a choker around her neck made of miniature handcuffs, assorted rings in her ears … and a diamond stud in her nose. For variety, she pairs a purple Willy Wonka T-shirt with whatever pants or skirt she happens to step on in her closet. When she's "retro," her footwear of choice is orange suede sneakers. A Crayola Crayon backpack, triangle bandana, and a pair of '50s-style sunglasses complete the outfit.
The best thing I can say about this incarnation of my daughter is that at least she's out of her grunge phase with t-shirts down to her knees, khaki pants big enough for three sumo wrestlers, and two-toned hair. She'd wanted one of the tones to be blue, but after much discussion, she compromised with blond stripes in her dark brown hair. She looked like a skunk, but at least it wasn't blue.
The first time she wore her new look to church, several older ladies took me aside. I froze, terrified at what they might say. One of them patted my arm and told me, "Don't worry, honey. It could be worse." I took great comfort in those words.
It's hard, isn't it? One day you're presented with a naked newborn and for the next 10 years or so you get to dress her however you like. I always loved putting Laura in dresses with big white collars and puffy sleeves. That's part of the fun of being a mom. But then your child grows up and exerts her individuality by dressing like everyone else her age. You have conversations in which she yells, "People have a right to be who they are!" To which you answer, "I agree, but why do you have to be who you are dressed like that?!"
The ground shifts, the rules change. As a parent you don't know what to do, how to respond. You start to question your parenting and worry that something you did or didn't do caused your teen to want cat's eyes contact lenses. You start thinking about the spiritual implications and question your heart as you face issues you'd rather not explore: If my child's appearance doesn't fit the standards of normalcy in my circle, will that hurt my image as a "good parent"?
On a deeper level lies the question of your child's spiritual condition. If that's the case, you wonder what—if anything—you can do about it. Besides, you really, really hate those raggy hemmed jeans!
Today's Blue Hair … Yesterday's Hippie Vests
When I was 14, I wore brown velveteen bell bottoms (which I never, ever laundered), a baby-doll dress as a top, and clunky-heeled red patent leather shoes. I teased my hair until it stood on end, wore purple eyeliner, purple mascara, and white lipstick. I'm fairly certain I looked ridiculous, but it's that memory of myself as a teen that gives me perspective when dealing with my daughter. For the most part, Laura's choice of clothing is a generational thing. Her wanting blue hair isn't that different from my wanting to wear go-go boots.
Originally published in: Today's Christian Woman, 2001, January/February, Vol. 23, Issue 1, Page 50
Related Topics:
Advice, Appearances, Boundaries, Judging others, parenting, Perspective, rebellion, Self-image, Teenagers
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koporton1236
Accept your daughter, lady. My hair has rainbow streaks, and I'm on the dean's list at colombia. I used to dress the same way, It was fine;with everyone. The point we are all trying to get across is to except your daughter.
child.
"But then your child grows up and exerts her individuality by dressing like everyone else her age." that statement contradicts itself. i guess i never knew that by being an individual, you are the same as everyone.
Chelsea
i quote you.."The first time she wore her new look to church, several older ladies took me aside. I froze, terrified at what they might say. One of them patted my arm and told me, "Don't worry, honey. It could be worse." I took great comfort in those words." i trully find this disturbing. you were worried what they might say..first of all, you shouldn't care what anyone thinks about you, your child, or how either of you live your lives. and second..how she dresses has nothing to do with YOU as a person. so its pretty stupid and selfish to make her tone down her personality so you dont look bad. i have blue hair, a lip ring, and a nose ring..yeah i lost a lot of friends bc of this, but i gained way more and they dont care how i look or dress, they like me for my personality. ive had pink, purple and green hair too. but no one looks down on my parents for this. they admire them for allowing me to be myself and encouraging me to be unique. maybe next time youll put your kid first.
Liz
I am a baptised and confirmed Christian, I finished school top of my year, I go to university, I am close to my family, play 3 musical instruments and I have blue in my hair. I am sure God would sooner see your daughter in church with coloured hair and black nails than not see her at all. Just a thought (and I'm not a preacher I just thought of it): If God is love and the bible says that love is not resentful, or arrogant, or rude or resenting but accepts all things (1 Corinthians 13) then who are we as the followers of God to resent someone because of their hair colour? I think we would find that fewer people turn to God today not because of his message but because of the close minded ignorance of some (not all) Christians who put them off. That, and God gave rainbows as his promise to Noah and the world, what's wrong with putting them in your hair?
Sarah
Your religiouse beliefs or views don't change because your hair color does. Let kids be kids....life is for living.. not judging.
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