Marriage Without Myths
Average Rating: 
[22 Comments]
"I took a long time to realize I'd developed some distorted perceptions about biblical submission," admits Brenda Waggoner, author of The Myth of the Submissive Christian Woman (Tyndale). Because the issue of submission is so emotionally charged and hotly debated, I interviewed Brenda, a licensed Christian counselor and prolific author, to address what the Bible says about submission in marriage. Brenda shares not only her personal experiences but also her hard-won insights.
What do Christian wives think when they hear the word submission?
Many cringe when they hear it. Submission triggers negative thoughts—abuse, subservient treatment, or an overemphasis on the wife's duty to submit that downplays the husband's duty to love.
Are these negatives what you mean by "myth"?
I'm referring to distorted perceptions prevalent in the evangelical subculture, such as: I must always put others first, even if doing so means compromising myself and my needs, or I must follow precise role descriptions for relationships, even if doing so means ignoring my instincts about safety and emotional well-being.
Why do these myths mislead so many women?
They contain elements of truth, but take Bible verses out of context or use them as stand-alone proofs, which ignore the whole of Scripture. The Bible's teaching on submission doesn't change—but a woman's perception of that teaching can become distorted.
How can wives best separate myth from biblical truth?
Your experiences, role models, pastor and other authority figures, and emotional makeup can color your perception of submission. So prayerfully inquire about what's going on in your heart, since this is God's primary concern. Is self-condemnation, self-rejection, self-destructive thinking or behavior present? God disciplines his children, but he doesn't devalue or demean us.
What false perceptions of submission did you have?
I became a Christian five years into my first marriage. As I studied the Bible and listened to sermons—especially passages about husband/wife relationships—I drastically changed my behavior. Previously, when my husband and I disagreed, we'd raise our voices; now I tried turning away my husband's wrath with a gentle answer. I defined submission as doing what my husband said. I thought by pleasing him, I was pleasing God.
I didn't want to admit I was angry with my husband, so I pushed my feelings down and became depressed. Then, my husband became verbally and emotionally abusive. Finally, he left home and filed for divorce. I felt isolated from God; I couldn't understand how I'd failed so miserably as a wife and a Christian, when I'd tried so hard to obey the Bible.
But doesn't Ephesians 5 call wives to submit to their husbands?
The guidelines in Ephesians 5:22-24 shouldn't be taught to the exclusion of many other examples throughout the Bible. Biblical submission is a state of heart yielded to God; it's a decision to honor God above all else. Christ is the perfect example of biblical submission; he always put his Father's will first. Jesus never insisted on dominance or control, although, if anyone had that right, he did. Christian women should strive to be like Christ, submitting to God first and then to their husband, putting neither people nor idols before God.
Related Topics:
Honor, Partnership, Respect, submission
More from Jane Johnson Struck:
Kyria.com | Books
Join the Kyria.com Community!
Become a member to have access to the following:
- Full access to the bimonthly Kyria digizine, each issue focusing on a spiritual discipline or theme
- 50 percent discount on all of the downloadable resources in the Kyria Store
- Hundreds of members-only articles for thoughtful, influential women
downloadable guides
Sabbath Rest in a World of Stress
Practical insights for how to live a life that honors the spirit of Sabbath-rest.
The Mentoring Series: Nancy Ortberg
Discover leadership principles from a well-known author and respected leader.Browse More Guides
back to top
Average User Rating:
Displaying 1–5 of 22 comments
See all comments
Deborah
Thank you. Finally, someone who understands Eph 5:21. NO one verse is stand alone law. The verse preceeding Eph 5:22 calls for MUTUAL submissive. As a matter of fact, the word "submit" was not even in the original book of Eph. It was added to make translation better. Added by men, of course. The verse is actually "and wives to your own husbands as to the Lord". Which really means BE FAITHFUL.
mitchell jablonski
Women and men are not equal. Jesus himself said that the husband is at the head of the family ,is any of this getting through that little blue bonnet of yours. I am so sick of you women trying to liberate yourselves right out of Gods plan for the family. As a man I cannot serve you if your not accepting your role.
gloria
i am a 62 year old women i am on disabily i got marry a second time my first husband was unfaithful and so is my second husband he when and got a prepaid phone so i would not know who he was talking to i found viaga in his wallet and condem he said he is not fooling around and he is tired of me accussing him i left everything to move here i am a christan my husband is 65 and he doesn't go to church i have no place to turn can you give me advise i give up everything to move to nc
Adam
Any man looking for a submissive woman would be a fool to marry an American woman period! The MODERN American Christian woman has been led away from her biblical role as a mother and a wife who has her families back first and foremost as articulated in Proverbs 31. This article seems to have its roots in the garden with the serpent and the fruit. 25% of young women between the ages of 14-19 have a sexually transmitted disease. I don't think there's a problem with submission in the sense this article speaks of. The church in America is dead, and women like the author of this EXTRA-BIBLICAL piece of work are the poison bearers! An uncurious woman did the same thing to her husband Adam and God himself died for her mistake!
Kristen
I am so thankful for this article. Thank you for promoting mutual respect of both sexes. Men and women are equal, just different. There is so much teaching today that demotes women to slave status...and unfortunately Christian men and women believe this is godly...
Rate & Comment on this article *