God's Perfect Marriage Counseling
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Driving through Bakersfield on our way home from Thanksgiving, I read billboards to stay awake. They came one after another, then another. Suddenly, on a plain black field with simple white letters, one read: "Need marriage counseling? I'm available. -God."
I laughed out loud.
Loyd, asleep in the passenger seat, roused. "What's so funny?" He rubbed his eyes.
I told him about the billboard and he chuckled too, then settled back down to sleep as I drove on.
Married 35 years, we both know we've stayed together because God has always been available with strong, straightforward marriage counsel. We were both tickled to see this truth stated so bluntly.
God Said, "I Hate Divorce."
From the beginning, Loyd and I committed to making our marriage work. We had read in Malachi 2:16, " 'I hate divorce!' says the LORD, the God of Israel." And we learned in John 14:23 that if we loved God, we would obey him. We believed divorce wasn't an option, but we still used the word to threaten and hurt each other until our seven-year-itch. In an argument that year, when Loyd dropped the "D" word, I looked him straight in the eye and asked, "Are you really ever going to leave me?"
"No." He scowled.
"Well, I'm not going to leave you either, so how about we start being nice to each other?"
From that moment on, we chose to never go there again. Our minds changed and the word quit passing our lips. Divorce truly was not an option for us, so we quit pretending it was. Now that even acting as if we were going to walk away wasn't an alternative, we knew we had to face our problems head-on, work out what we could, and exert ourselves to accept what we couldn't resolve.
At that point, God counseled us one-on-one as he worked to help each of us transform from the inside out.
God said, "If You Give up Your Life for Me, You Will Find It."
In Matthew 10:39, he taught me in clear terms that everything is not about me, my feelings, or my rights. He taught me humility. I learned that it doesn't hurt to be treated like a servant, once you realize you are one. I started to see that I was to serve rather than wonder why Loyd and the rest of the world wouldn't serve me.
Next, my Counselor directed me to Proverbs 31:10-31, where I read about a wife of noble character, a woman who was capable and wise. She served not only her family but also her community. I saw how hard she worked. She rose while it was still dark, and her lamp did not go out at night.
She didn't ask why she had to do everything. She didn't say, "What about me?" She didn't complain—she was too busy serving everyone else to think about herself. And she was happy. Even her children noticed. My Counselor told me that she was happy because when we give our lives away, we gain them. When we serve, we become the greatest of all.
Now I had a role model, a generous, confident, kind, strong, wise, and dignified woman who had a sense of humor, too. She taught me to happily do all the things needed to make a household comfortable and efficient. I had complained about having to do "everything" before, but with her help, I was growing to see these acts of service as expressions of my love for my family. I started picking up those balled-up socks on our bedroom floor, pulling them out long, and tossing them in the dirty clothes without muttering under my breath. I stopped slamming the dishes into the dishwasher after dinner when my husband and children headed to the couch to watch TV. Alone in the kitchen with those dirty dishes, I breathed deeply and slowly and told myself, "This is a loving act of service." When the work was done, I joined my family on the couch, and they wanted me there.
Related Topics:
Biblical Guidance, Marriage, Strengthened, Scripture
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Merlin Mensah
If God instituted marriage He certainly knows how to maintain it by wise counsel in His book of instructions, the Bible. I agree with all that has been written which is excellent except the statement “God, the great marriage counselor, taught women to submit, implying it is not natural for most women, and he taught men to love, implying it is not natural for most men to value the significance of this emotion”. I consider the statement to be a commentary rather than a statement of fact. Will the GOOD GOD ‘tempt’ us to do what is ‘not natural’ Did He not command the wife to submit and the husband to love? I believe the instruction was to make us complete as His children who love Him, our standard is Christ, our lord.
jen
The only way to prevent divorce is not to get married. Unfortunately, by our faith, sex outside of marriage is as immoral as adultery which puts us, from the time we are old enough to respond to the God-given desire for sex, in a battle between binding ourselves for life to someone who might turn out to be completely wrong for us or engaging in a sexual relationship with someone outside of marriage. The only way to guarantee a moral, Christian post-pubescent life is either to luck out on finding the perfect mate or to become a eunuch. Beyond that, people are left to make the best of the life they have to share with someone they'd rather not be with or ignore the condemnation of others and bury a dead relationship. Relationships die...by our faith we are forced to make due with the corpse.
Rob
WOW did you hit it on the head. This is going to be a hand out for my clients. (I am a marriage/family counselor)The blue print is in the BIBle - it just requires our desire to be obedient. Thanks for an "in your face" reminder.
Maria Bailey
It never ceases to amaze me that when we ask God to correct something about us that He goes right to the heart of what will fix the problem. I just pray for the courage to take this advice to heart, and humble myself to love my husband as this article (God) advises me to do.
Anonymous
Sometimes one reads a fairy tale wedding like this one, and wonders? What if you married some one who loves the Lord, and within 10 years, you find out that : he does not keep a job( you have to work for most of the expenses, raise children, see to house hold chores, and your family (whom he by the way adored and respected) becomes his enemies. What if the outcome is bipolar depression after several treatments by counselors and pscychiatrists.What if the God loving husband becomes a monster and verbally kills every part of your self image? Do I still say "till death do us apart?" No one really has to answer this. God is still the perfect counselor, He is the only One that knows, understands and is th One that says "I hate divorce and Thou shall't not kill"
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