My Husband Doesn't Share My Faith
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I've rehearsed this scene in my mind 10,000 times: My husband, Barry, walks through the front door and says he has a surprise for me. He asks, "What's the one thing you want most in the world?" At first I'm confused, but when I look into his eyes, I know. He doesn't have to say it, but he does anyway: "I've given my life to Christ."But after years of praying, waiting, and hoping, so far that's still a daydream.
BARRY AND I met and married 24 years ago. It was a spur-of-the-moment thing: He liked my then-red hair and green eyes; I liked his broad shoulders and sense of humor. Plus, he was easy to talk to. As unbelievers, neither of us had a clue what our future would be. We just thought a life together would be a kick. A relationship with Christ was the last thing on our minds!
Our first three years of marriage were filled with partying, softball, and the birth of our first daughter. Then, almost without warning, God drew me into a relationship with himself. After overhearing some Christians in the office where I worked talk about heaven, I began asking questions. Although I'd attended church as a child, I knew nothing about the Bible and salvation. Then one day after a long talk with Rita, one of my coworkers, I prayed a simple prayer: "Jesus save me!" That prayer forever changed my life—and my marriage as I knew it.
Unfortunately for Barry, right from the start I was one of those obnoxious "Jesus freaks." I didn't share my new faith with my husband; I pushed, forced, and shoved. Believe me, I wrote the handbook on how not to win your spouse to Christ. I didn't speak, I preached. I didn't live out my faith quietly; I trumpeted my every minute change. I'd say, "See what God's done in my life? See how loving and humble I now am?" I prayed loudly in Barry's presence and made sure he knew he was a sinner destined for hell. I even packed gospel tracts in his lunch and added a Bible verse at the end of all my love notes to him.
To Barry's credit, he remained incredibly patient. (Maybe he was just tuning me out.) Most of the time he avoided my religious rampages by tinkering with our car. Sometimes, though, he'd get angry and yell, "Stop with all the Jesus stuff!" Barry told me he threw the gospel tracts away because they embarrassed him in front of his friends. Once in a while he'd get a pained look on his face and say he wanted his "old wife" back—Jesus-free.
Soon we were at odds with each other. I blamed any and all our marital problems on his unsaved status. After all, if we were both Christians, life would be "happy-ever-after." Or so I imagined. I tried even harder: blasting my Christian music and scattering opened Bibles around the house; crying and pleading with him to go to church with me. Sometimes, Barry would go. But instead of enjoying him next to me in church, I'd sit there chewing nervously on the end of my pen, praying madly that this would be The Day. Afterwards, I'd quiz him in the car, "What did you think of the sermon? Did you like the music?"
Originally published in: Today's Christian Woman, 1999, November/December, Vol. 21, Issue 6, Page 66
Related Topics:
Marriage, Prayer, intercessory, Unbelieving spouse
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Tracy Brown
This article brought tears to my eyes! I have been married for 15 years and have 2 beautiful children. I was saved as a young teen and lived apart from GOD for many years, and also married a man who is not saved. He is a wonderful husband, father and provider and he has never kept me or our children from attending church. He is very supportive of me raising our children in church and even attends with us when he is not working. However, he shows no interest in becoming a Christian, much less being humbled enough to ask Jesus into his heart. Sometimes I become envious of other women in our church who have husbands that are spiritual leaders, but I realize that I do have a great husband and that I will keep on praying and asking God to put conviction on his heart. I will pray for every women on this site that God will give each of us the gift of a saved husband according to his divine will. I do know one thing, God has never let me down and I have faith that I will see him saved!
myra
I was instantly strucked by the title coz i'm in the same situation as the author. We used to go to church together as a family but now it's only me with my 2 kids. At present, my 9-yr old son is serving the chapel as altar boy & my heart aches everytime he wishes for his father to see him serving during the mass but it has always remained a dream for him. It's sad because everytime i talked to him about how my life has been changed by God, it would only result to an argument & to some days of not talking to each other with me being wrong all the time, he would always turn a cold shoulder on me everytime i start talking about Jesus. I cried many times but I believe that one of these days he will be enlightened, i hold on to that hope each day that i live. How i love to share to him about Jesus but now he even doubts about the Bible & how it all came about. It's sad but hope springs eternal that in God's time all things will be beautiful. God reigns!
None
I wanted to comment on the article. The article is very interesting to me. How do we love someone in the Lord, who has the right words to say, like keep praying. As a believer we need to grow in Christ. He does do that. He is a new believer. But he falling short of how he treats his wife. He becomes the wife she becomes the husband. How is this marriage suppose to work for the sake of a child. She grew up in Christian home with great morals. But he came a family with abuse. We are suppose to love these people like Christ loves the Church. How are we suppose to do that, when our fresh stands in the way.
Liz
I've a couple of lady friends who are married to unbelievers. Both women were already married when they became believers. At present, their married lives are miserable. One of them is hopeful, the other is just the opposite. I am concerned more about this hopeless one. I wish there's something I can tell her to give her hope, but all i can do is pray with and for her and her husband.
Michele
This is my life and from all the woman I see in church alone, many other women as well. I married before becoming a Christian and my husband is a guarded, resistant seeker. Now that the old self is dead and the new sees things so differently it causes friction in our already troubled marriage. I laughed when I read how her husband chuckled and responded yes .. he did see Christ in his wife. I laughed because I have experienced very similar situations with my husband. My frustration and confusion is if these husband see it why don't that accept the gift??? I am not angry in our marriage like I was prior to accepting Christ but it is a marriage of conflict when husband and wife see things so different. Then to submit to him out of reverence for Christ, it is daily prayer and faith. I still mess up as the enemy of course loves to divide. I have JOY in my heart and try to perservere.
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