Talk to God Together
My friend Jennifer was an experienced pray-er when she got married, so she figured she and her new husband, Wayne, would have wonderful prayer times together. But to Jennifer's surprise, praying with Wayne felt forced and stilted. While Jennifer poured out her heart to God in private, when she prayed with Wayne, she edited her thoughts and feelings. Wayne, on the other hand, had only said a few prayers aloud in a formal church setting before attempting to pray with his wife. Knowing her skill in prayer, Wayne felt he couldn't measure up to Jennifer's expectations. Soon they prayed together less and less.
Their small-group Bible study proved to be the turning point in their disintegrating prayer life. There, an older couple, John and Margaret, became unintentional prayer mentors to Jennifer and Wayne. John and Margaret prayed aloud conversationally, with hearts wide open to God. Over the weeks, as group members prayed for each other, Jennifer and Wayne gradually felt more comfortable praying aloud as a couple.
My husband, Holmes, and I had our share of frustrations in our early attempts to pray together, too. I was a spontaneous pray-er, wanting to lift a problem to God on the spot. But Holmes liked to mull over the situation, praying later when there were no distractions. He tended to "think" his prayers, while I tended to be long-winded.
Like many men, Holmes had a private prayer life, so being willing to talk out loud to God with me felt risky at first. But as I limited my words, pausing between prayer sentences to make room for silence or for his prayers, Holmes opened up more. And my willingness to wait to pray about something (like after the kids were in bed) instead of demanding instant prayer time took more pressure off Holmes.
As we made our first halting efforts to pray together, we began seeing specific answers to our prayers about Holmes' job, our son's asthma, and our finances. These encouraged us to keep connecting with God and with each other. Over the years, we became more comfortable praying in the car while driving, praying for our children while taking a walk, or praying on the phone if one of us was out of town. And when our kids headed into the rough waters of adolescence, we had lots of extra opportunities to be on our knees together!
The Benefits of Couple Prayer
Why make an effort to pray together when there seem to be so many obstacles? Because praying as a couple holds a storehouse of blessings for your marriage; in fact, it's key to lifelong happiness together. Studies show that simply attending church or being a Christian doesn't divorce-proof your marriage. But couples who regularly pray together report enjoying the most satisfying marriages of all—and the divorce rate plummets.
In our marriage, praying together brought the heart-to-heart connection for which I'd always longed. After only a few years of marriage, Holmes and I had become emotionally disconnected. But Ecclesiastes 4:12 says, "A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." With every prayer my husband and I uttered together, Christ became the third strand of a braided cord that brought more spiritual and physical connection into our marriage.
Originally published in: Today's Christian Woman, 2002, September/October, Vol. 24, Issue 5, Page 58
Related Topics:
Marriage, Prayer, Prayer, answers to, Prayer, importance of
More from Cheri Fuller:
Kyria.com | Books
Join the Kyria.com Community!
Become a member to have access to the following:
- Full access to hundreds of other articles for thoughtful, influential women
- The monthly Kyria digizine, each issue focusing on a spiritual discipline or theme
- 20 percent discount on all of the downloadable resources in the Kyria Store
downloadable guides
Prayer and Meditation
Cultivating a deeper relationship with God.
Ministering to Working Women
How your women's ministry can better meet the needs of women who work outside the home.Browse More Guides
back to top
Average User Rating:
Displaying 1–5 of 7 comments.
See all comments
Jackie
Thank you for this article. It's been my heart to pray with my husband even before we get married. We tried doing it before but somehow my husband becomes uninterested doing it, maybe he felt awkward or maybe he doesn't want me to intiate it, I don't know. I'm still praying and so looking forward believing that that time will come for us to have our prayer time together. I agree that every marriage should have this time with each other. Great article! It's indeed an encouragement!
Mary Brown(Registered User)
I didn't read that it's the man's fault in this (John.) In fact, she pointed out that often a critical or judgmental wife is the reason a man doesn't want to participate. I've been that woman, and God is still working on me. Fortunately, He blessed me with a very patient and amiable man who is glad to pray with me before we go to sleep at night, especially since I've learned to choose my words more graciously. But prayer is the key to that, too. As was pointed out in the article, if my spouse doesn't see the value in praying together, that shouldn't stop me from praying for his/her best or from praying for myself to be the best partner to them I can be. God answers prayer, though not always the way we hope for. If my spouse never prays with me, I'll still be better for praying, with or without them. And hopefully our marriage will be stronger for my intercession, as well.
Carol
Wow John! I never thought about it until now! I wouldn't want to pray with a self-indulgent mate either. My husband and I pray together; he initiated it. Thanks John for the reminder to not only appreciate my husband, but also respect the divine order that God has placed the man in the household. It's in the Bible ladies...read Genesis and Ephesians.
Harriet
Talking together is something we are stillstruggling with. I do appreciate the insights. Thanks for the article
Samantha
I want to give you a testimony. My husband accepted Jesus 5 years after me and one of the victories God gave me was when he understood the importance of praying together. We have a few years praying together every night and I can tell you is worth it. Our marriage have improve in 100%, our children have changed, and our entire life as a family has changed. The bible says in Matthew 18:19 that if two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is in heaven; and when we pray with our husbands we are two and this word becomes a reality. Remember something: nobody is never going to pray as we do, even our husbands. We have to remember that God accepts us just as we are and He hears our prayers without considering the way we express them. The most important for Him is the condition of our heart. So respect and accept the way your husband pray, the most important thing is that he is doing it.
Rate & Comment on this article *