Committed for Life!
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[4 Comments]
We've been married for more than 48 years now, so we think we can talk confidently on the subject of loyalty. Not that we've "arrived" in marriage. None of us has, since marriage is constantly growing and changing. Yet, we can say honestly that, even with the difficulties that accompany all marriages, ours has been a wonderful, fulfilling lifetime of partnership. Why? Because we've held a steadfast commitment to each other and to God.
Over the years we've watched marriage fall under assault in our society. But we've believed that our principled concepts of loyalty and faithfulness pay huge dividends in the end. While we aren't the perfect model for every relationship, we've discovered how clinging to God's perfect love can bring a lifetime of peace, joy, and fulfillment to a couple. Here's what we've learned.
Loyalty starts with commitment to God. Our commitment to each other begins with a commitment to follow God, both individually and as a couple. Both are lifelong promises. Neither commitment allows us to say, "Let's try this for a while and see if it works." Both are tough; both call us to live a disciplined life. But both, in the end, are life-giving.
There was a period when I (Betty) felt blocked from God. I was constantly exhausted, and I didn't want to pray or study the Bible. It was amazing how tense our home life became during that time. But James was able to pray for me and speak truth to me. While it wasn't easy to hear, I knew God was using James to convict me about having an unteachable spirit. Because we were both committed to God, I finally realized that James was concerned about me as his wife, but also he was concerned about my spiritual life.
Loyalty depends on communication. When there's a breakdown in communication, a breakdown in commitment is sure to follow. Communication isn't simply talking to each other; it's making sure we really hear each other. We try to listen to and understand the heart of our mate, not just the words they speak.
For years, I (Betty) struggled with self-esteem issues. I never felt good enough—as a wife, person, or child of God. I respected and loved James so much that I couldn't imagine that he could truly love me for who I was. I saw how gifted and popular he was—and compared myself unfavorably.
Finally, one day, James confronted me on it. He'd listened to my heart; even though I hadn't said anything verbally, I was communicating loudly! His willingness to "hear" me made a huge difference in my self-esteem and strengthened our marriage.
Communication is especially important when situations aren't particularly easy or pleasant. But knowing that we're committed to each other helps us confront, confess, and open up more freely.
Loyalty means we give our spouse the benefit of the doubt. One issue we've worked through has been when one of us says something that the other spouse takes the wrong way. An offhanded or unthinking comment can wreak havoc on our thoughts and relationship.
Originally published in: Marriage Partnership, 2004, Winter
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Average User Rating:
GW
God bless you Pastor Richard. I know how hard it is for you. May our Lord assure you that He never leaves or forsakes us even when the shadows come. God bless your dear wife, too.
Pastor Richard
Loyalty is a good thing because I had to put my wife in a nursing home because she has stage 7 alshimer it was very hard having a empty bed a night at night it got so bad we could handle it God has taken very care of it
Mary Brown(Registered User)
Great article. I especially appreciate the point about loyalty to God being a vital part of loyalty to my spouse. To Audrey: In a marriage, loyalty is part of your commitment to your spouse. There is nothing to balance with it. Either you are committed and loyal or you aren't. This article is about marriage specifically, not all relationships, but loyalty is a valued trait in a friend, as well. Look for friends who are loyal who you can be loyal to. Balance is overrated. When the goal is balance, I'm always comparing what I contribute and what I think the other person is contributing. It creates an unhealthy system where I am afraid I will be taken advantage of if I give more than the other person is willing to. The biggest problem with it is not knowing the heart. I might think I'm giving a lot because I choose not to react to something hurtful, but my friend can't see that and thinks he is giving more than me because he didn't say the worst thing that came to mind!
audrey
Loyalty is a good quality in itself but should it not be coupled with balance? I have often foolishly remained loyal to men and friends who did not deserve let alone reciprocate my loyalty to them.
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