Best Friends Forever

The power of getting couples together to share life, struggles, and faith.

by Marie Guthrie

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Our first "small group" experience began more than 13 years ago when my husband, Mark, and I were invited to join a couples' group. It was during our second year of marriage. Small groups were new in our church, and we didn't know what to expect. Wanting to get to know other couples and grow spiritually, we decided to give the group a try.

For a year and a half, we met with four other couples a few times each month. In addition to studying the book of Acts, we went through "Life 101" together—sharing meals, laughter, tears, and stories; welcoming pregnancies and grieving loss. In the midst of this togetherness, we began to experience something extraordinary—a taste of the 2,000-year-old community we were reading about in Acts.

One summer weekend our group packed overnight bags and headed to a rented home a few hours away. The plan was to play games and relax on Friday night, then have prayer, confession, and Communion on Saturday. Mark and I expected confession and Communion to be brief and familiar. We had no idea what God had in store for us.

Getting real in a safe place

The person who began the time of confession revealed something deeply sensitive about a battle with private thoughts. Our friend's vulnerability opened the door of transparency. One by one we shared problems that went beyond surface marital topics. To respect each other and our marriage, Mark and I left the room briefly to check with each other before sharing personal struggles. We agreed that this group was a safe place to open up.

Nervously, I shared my struggle with perfectionism and how it affects my husband, family, and even my relationship with God.

I could tell from Mark's posture and facial expressions that he was uncomfortable. But on our way home, he thanked me. "It's helpful for me to know how best to support you," he said. "If we didn't have this group, I may not have understood what you were feeling, and why."

During the days following, Mark and I had more conversations about marriage and the difference that safe place made on our relationship. One evening Mark confessed that because his father had died when he was seven, he never saw his parents working through marital issues. "These people have shown me that everyone has struggles in marriage. It's encouraging to know the ups and downs we experience are common."

While a couples' small group may intentionally focus on marriage or another topic, such as Bible study, the long-term impact on your relationship is indelible.

Our first small group experience not only gave Mark and me a safe place to gain insights about our relationship, but our friends cared for us at critical times—strengthening the foundation of our young marriage. When my first child was born four weeks early, I was unprepared for Grant's arrival. Our small group leader flew into action, washing baby clothes and organizing the baby's room before we returned home. What could have been a stressful situation became a joyful family moment thanks to our friend's wisdom and caring actions.

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Originally published in: Marriage Partnership, 2007, Summer, Page 26

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