Simple Words

Praying with my husband is wonderful—but it didn't start that way.

By Sheri Mueller

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Early in our marriage, prayer with my husband, Jim, made me uncomfortable. I'd find every excuse to avoid it. But our small group leader had encouraged us to pray together in order to grow closer to God and each other. So when Jim wanted to try this "prayer thing," I'd reluctantly given in.

Part of my problem was the way Jim prayed. His prayers seemed grandiose and overly mature. It sounded as though he were trying to impress God, not have a simple conversation with him.

Jim's prayers sounded something like this: "Oh, holy and gracious Father, I throw myself down upon thee. Thou knowest every vessel of my heart and every thought of my mind. Beseech my heart, O Lord! Carriest me throughout my day and bring me closer to thee."

I felt as if I were in the middle of a Shakespearean tragedy. It made me feel awkward and disconnected from Jim, rather than joined to him through the intimacy of prayer. While Jim's prayers were lofty and packed with "thees" and "thous" and "beseecheths," mine tended to be simple, filled with relational and conversational thoughts and words. Jim would tell me prayer couldn't be that simple. I not only felt insecure that I didn't pray like him, but also guilty that I didn't like to pray with him.

And therein lay my dilemma. I appreciated that he was committed to growing our spiritual intimacy as a couple. I loved the fact that he wanted us to pray together. But how was I going to tell the man I love I didn't like how he prayed?

Things came to a head one day after Jim "guilted" me into praying with him. Every time he opened his mouth to pray, those "thees" and "thous" grated on my nerves like nails on a chalkboard. Finally, I couldn't take any more.

"Why do your prayers have to sound as if you're quoting Shakespeare?" I blurted. "Can't you pray like a normal person?"

Understandably hurt, Jim reacted with anger. "I'm sorry it bothers you," he said stiffly. "Maybe we should just forget trying to pray together."

Regretting my tactlessness, I convinced him that we should take a break for a week, individually asking God to guide us in building a prayer life together.

I'd talked to other Christians who found journaling beneficial to their prayer lives, so that week I decided to try writing out my prayers on index cards. One evening as we were lying in bed, I surprised Jim by reading my prayers to him.

For the first time I was comfortable in my prayers. Convinced I'd found a great solution to our dilemma, Jim began to write his prayers to share with me. And, we both noticed, his writing didn't include "thees" and "thous," just honest feelings. We'd jot down prayers individually throughout the day, then read them aloud at dinner or bedtime. After two or three months we figured out the half hour before bed was our best time to connect, and we made it our regular routine.

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Originally published in: Marriage Partnership, 2006, Fall, Page 56

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