For Better or For Worst
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[4 Comments]
A Terrorist Act
Lt. Col. (Ret.) Brian and Mel Birdwell
Married: May 16, 1987
Hometown: Manassas, Virginia
Children: 1 son
I was run over by a 757," retired Lt. Col. Brian Birdwell explains as he lifts his scarred arms and hands and points at his singed ears. "Whenever we drive past a KFC, we laugh that I'm the extra crispy kind."
He and his wife, Mel, are able to bring lightness to their situation now. But on September 11, 2001, Brian's life hung in that delicate balance between life and death.
At 9:37, Brian was walking toward his office when American Flight 77 smashed into the Pentagon, 20 yards from where he stood. Immediately, Brian was doused in flames and jet fuel.
"I knew I was going to die," says Brian. "The thought of never seeing Mel or my son, Matt, again was the worst feeling in the world."
Mel was watching the horrific scene on television as the flames shot from her husband's office. "We prayed he wasn't in there," she says. "But I feared the worst."
Miraculously, Brian was able to get to safety. But he was burned over 60 percent of his body (40 percent were third degree burns), and had to endure months of excruciating therapy and more than 30 surgeries.
When he arrived at Georgetown University Hospital, minutes from death, the physician told him they had to operate immediately.
"I knew this could be it," says Brian. "So I asked for a chaplain to pray with me. Then I gave my ring to a friend and told him, 'Give this to Mel. And tell her, I always loved her.'"
"The first time I saw him [after he was rescued], I didn't recognize him. He was incredibly swollen and ghastly white," says Mel. "I knew my Brian would never be the same."
Neither would their marriage.
"I instantly became a full-time caregiver," says Mel. "It wasn't a happy time—his pain was often unbearable, and he was like a baby—I had to do everything for him. Yet as frustrating as it got, we always realized that the worst could have happened.
"What most surprised us, though, was the number of people who'd say, 'Wow, I can't believe you stuck it out. I'm not sure I would have.' But we'd committed to each other. There were no other options."
"You can't cut and run when it gets tough," says Brian. "That's when you learn the most."
What they learned were blessings in disguise: "God gave me the opportunity to serve my husband," says Mel. Mel became Brian's advocate, communicator, primary caregiver. "Loyalty taught Mel servanthood—her part in our marriage during that time," says Brian. "But loyalty called me to humility and a deep appreciation for being served and what that cost Mel."
While life is mostly back to normal--and Brian has recently become a state senator for Texas, the Birdwells have changed. "We've realized that loyalty and commitment come with a price you can't appreciate until they're challenged," says Mel. "But it's worth it. I can't imagine my life without Brian."
Originally published in: Marriage Partnership, 2004, Winter
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Average User Rating:
Mary Brown(Registered User)
The folks who say, "I'm not sure I would have [stuck it out]" are being honest. Perhaps we should give them the benefit of the doubt. My husband was in an accident some years ago that put him in ICU for weeks. God helped me to be strong through that time. My daughter couldn't bear to see him that way and wouldn't come with me to the hospital. When Bob was being moved to a regular room I saw a new person in the ICU who looked a lot like Bob did when he was admitted. I couldn't bear to look at him. That was when I realized how much God had helped me so I could be there for my husband at that critical time. If a person doesn't know if they could stick it out in a tough situation, it's probably because they haven't been tested or thought about it. I would hope God would use their encounter with this faithful spouse and caregiver to let them know that all things are possible with God. He won't give us more than we can handle because he goes with us to help us in the time of need.
Monica
Beautiful - thank you!
John S
'Wow, I can't believe you stuck it out. I'm not sure I would have.' The epitome of selfishness. '"But we'd committed to each other. There were no other options."' The characterization of love put into action.
Caro
So so true. It can not be said any better. Through such difficult times the bonds grow stronger. The diagnoisis really becomes the couple's diagnoisis
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