Unequally Yoked
A. I think you're asking the wrong question here. The real question should be, "Why would you want to marry a non-Christian?"
God's vision for marriage is that of a place where a "culture of two" is created. Marriage is about sharing our lives, and about the "oneness" that emerges from that shared culture. Marriage becomes the central situation in which we grow to become what God intends us to be, the context in which we also lovingly raise our children to know him.
A great marriage becomes a place of shelter, hope, and strength during difficult times, and a place of deep joy and thankfulness to God for all the goodness we experience. In my marriage, our shared belief in God provides a bedrock for the shared values that define our relationship and our family.
In light of God's vision for marriage, the question, "Is it a sin to marry a non-Christian?" reflects a willingness to settle. Marrying a non-Christian may, in the short run, bring satisfaction. But over time it's most likely to become a source of pain, given that your marriage can't be centered on Christ.
I know many women who now deeply regret their decision to marry a non-Christian. Most still love their husband, but they miss so much of what God intended their marriage to be. And if children are involved, the complications and heartaches in these marriages are even greater. One girlfriend's husband has asked her not to read Bible stories to their kids, or to pray with them. Any time she mentions God, he counters that God is a fantasy. Such comments from a father have a powerful impact on his children.
In his terrific book, Finding the Love of Your Life, Neil Clark Warren writes that each thing we have in common with our spouse adds tremendous value to our marriage. A shared faith in God through Jesus Christ should be at the top of our short "non-negotiable" list of what we're looking for in a potential spouse. That's not a guarantee of a great marriage, but it's a smart place to start.
In answer to your question, yes, I do think it's a sin to marry a non-Christian. In 2 Corinthians 6:14, the apostle Paul says, "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers." Eugene Peterson, author of a paraphrase of the Bible titled The Message, puts that same verse this way, "Don't become partners with those who reject God." Marriage is certainly a partnership, and when God says "don't" and we do, that's a sin.
But I also think the sin of marrying a non-Christian differs from a sin such as anger, which is something I might engage in daily. My guilt with that sin is ongoing. Once you've married someone who isn't a believer, I don't think God tallies that sin for every day of your marriage.
Knowing this, some women might be tempted to say, "OK, I get that this is a sin, but I really love this guy … and I'm not getting any younger … so maybe I'll just marry him, and then by the next day, it won't be a sin anymore." But remember, God's command not to be "unequally yoked" is there for your own good. God will certainly forgive you, and he can certainly redeem even the most broken of marriages, but you'll still have to live with the consequences of your decision.
Originally published in: Today's Christian Woman, 2005, July/August, Vol. 27, Issue 4, Page 20
Related Topics:
Marriage, Non-Christian, Missionary Dating, Spiritual Intimacy, Waiting on God
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Anonymous
what about if you're a Christian and his a Roman Catholic..will it work? or is right to yoke with them. they'are not a Christian.
Colbie
As much as I agree and believe that the above is true, that we shouldn't date or marry unbelievers, as a single woman life isn't that easy. Those who are married often do not understand how unbelievably hard it can be, and trusting God to sustain us "with or without a husband" can be heartbreaking. What about the need for human affection!? A lot can be said for a hug!! I have to trust God that he will provide me with a husband, or take away my desire for a family, because as time passes and some of the "unbelievers" start to offer you that hug and companionship it starts to look more and more appealing. Is it a sin? Absolutely. Is it understandable? Absolutely. So please support those married to unbelievers. Of course as Christians we want a marriage centred on Christ - I know I do - and to go as a family to Church on Sundays. I thought this was a lovely article, but I just don't think that someone in a Christian marriage can truly understand the heartache and the dilemma.
Peggy
I have been struggling for years within this relationship, ten to be specific. God called me back to him about three years ago and has since been convicting me about staying with this man. I have dealt with infidelity, abuse, alcoholism and drug use. Now I can positively say that the Lord has a plan for me but I will never be able to find it living in sin like this. Thank you so much for your site and may God Bless your work. We are all blessed with the Lord's love and mercy but given the choice, I will always follow him...obey him.....choose him.
Still Struggling
Dee- Just wanted to say thanks for your comments. I dated a guy of a diffrent faith for a year during that time I was not attending any church. I knew his faith was one I would never conform to and he felt the same way about my faith. We remain in contact over the past seven years the last time he made contact with me I decided to give the relationship one more try. This has been the worst mistake of my life! He has so much baggage along with our different views on faith but for some strange reason I love him. I know he is not the one and that I am in a spritual war agaginst my flesh. My advice to anyone don't waist time with someone who does not have your values, passion for Christ and most of all, a different faith it's not worh it!
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