Unequally Yoked
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A. I think you're asking the wrong question here. The real question should be, "Why would you want to marry a non-Christian?"
God's vision for marriage is that of a place where a "culture of two" is created. Marriage is about sharing our lives, and about the "oneness" that emerges from that shared culture. Marriage becomes the central situation in which we grow to become what God intends us to be, the context in which we also lovingly raise our children to know him.
A great marriage becomes a place of shelter, hope, and strength during difficult times, and a place of deep joy and thankfulness to God for all the goodness we experience. In my marriage, our shared belief in God provides a bedrock for the shared values that define our relationship and our family.
In light of God's vision for marriage, the question, "Is it a sin to marry a non-Christian?" reflects a willingness to settle. Marrying a non-Christian may, in the short run, bring satisfaction. But over time it's most likely to become a source of pain, given that your marriage can't be centered on Christ.
I know many women who now deeply regret their decision to marry a non-Christian. Most still love their husband, but they miss so much of what God intended their marriage to be. And if children are involved, the complications and heartaches in these marriages are even greater. One girlfriend's husband has asked her not to read Bible stories to their kids, or to pray with them. Any time she mentions God, he counters that God is a fantasy. Such comments from a father have a powerful impact on his children.
In his terrific book, Finding the Love of Your Life, Neil Clark Warren writes that each thing we have in common with our spouse adds tremendous value to our marriage. A shared faith in God through Jesus Christ should be at the top of our short "non-negotiable" list of what we're looking for in a potential spouse. That's not a guarantee of a great marriage, but it's a smart place to start.
In answer to your question, yes, I do think it's a sin to marry a non-Christian. In 2 Corinthians 6:14, the apostle Paul says, "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers." Eugene Peterson, author of a paraphrase of the Bible titled The Message, puts that same verse this way, "Don't become partners with those who reject God." Marriage is certainly a partnership, and when God says "don't" and we do, that's a sin.
But I also think the sin of marrying a non-Christian differs from a sin such as anger, which is something I might engage in daily. My guilt with that sin is ongoing. Once you've married someone who isn't a believer, I don't think God tallies that sin for every day of your marriage.
Knowing this, some women might be tempted to say, "OK, I get that this is a sin, but I really love this guy … and I'm not getting any younger … so maybe I'll just marry him, and then by the next day, it won't be a sin anymore." But remember, God's command not to be "unequally yoked" is there for your own good. God will certainly forgive you, and he can certainly redeem even the most broken of marriages, but you'll still have to live with the consequences of your decision.
Originally published in: Today's Christian Woman, 2005, July/August, Vol. 27, Issue 4, Page 20
Related Topics:
Marriage, Non-Christian, Missionary Dating, Spiritual Intimacy, Waiting on God
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DeeDee
I know this to be true.I was involved with an unsaved man for seven years. Before I committed to him he promised he would get saved, as if he would just do so overnight, but that was the only way he knew I would commit to the relationship. I loved him dearly and still care about him today but I broke the relationship off over 3 years ago (at age 34) because I knew that was not God's will and it placed way too much pressure on my relationship with God. Today I am still single and trust me I have wondered at times if I did the right thing because sometimes I yearn for a companion and I have even asked God to take away that desire (still waiting and praying for Him to do so)but what can I do? I knew I was taking a huge risk and letting go totally into God's hands when I broke off the relationship, because I was walking away from the prospect of marriage and children and I still wonder if God will ever replace what I gave up. To be honest, the more I live the more I doubt this will happen for me and sometimes I
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Anonymous
what about if you're a Christian and his a Roman Catholic..will it work? or is right to yoke with them. they'are not a Christian.
Colbie
As much as I agree and believe that the above is true, that we shouldn't date or marry unbelievers, as a single woman life isn't that easy. Those who are married often do not understand how unbelievably hard it can be, and trusting God to sustain us "with or without a husband" can be heartbreaking. What about the need for human affection!? A lot can be said for a hug!! I have to trust God that he will provide me with a husband, or take away my desire for a family, because as time passes and some of the "unbelievers" start to offer you that hug and companionship it starts to look more and more appealing. Is it a sin? Absolutely. Is it understandable? Absolutely. So please support those married to unbelievers. Of course as Christians we want a marriage centred on Christ - I know I do - and to go as a family to Church on Sundays. I thought this was a lovely article, but I just don't think that someone in a Christian marriage can truly understand the heartache and the dilemma.
Peggy
I have been struggling for years within this relationship, ten to be specific. God called me back to him about three years ago and has since been convicting me about staying with this man. I have dealt with infidelity, abuse, alcoholism and drug use. Now I can positively say that the Lord has a plan for me but I will never be able to find it living in sin like this. Thank you so much for your site and may God Bless your work. We are all blessed with the Lord's love and mercy but given the choice, I will always follow him...obey him.....choose him.
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