Peaks, Valleys, and Rails
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[0 Comment]One year my wife, Susan, and I concluded a visit to Yellowstone by heading out via Beartooth Pass. It might have been the most terrifying drive of our married life.
The highway is a steep incline from the northeast corner of the national park into Montana. Jagged ridges surround you, and the name of the pass immediately makes sense. Many times one side of the road is a sheer cliff wall, the other side a vertical drop hundreds of feet to the rocks below.
The two-lane highway is a series of switchbacks and hairpin turns. A white-knuckler. Though Susan and I are both mountain lovers, we said almost nothing to each other on this stretch. Only the occasional "Whoa!" or "This is unbelievable!" were heard as our car labored upward, hugging the double yellow line, unless a semi coming the other way forced us closer to the edge.
When we reached the top of the pass, I could finally relax and look around. I discovered my hands were sore from gripping the steering wheel so tightly. But what a view! Beartooth Pass had not devoured us. From the top of the pass, the magnificence of the 360-degree view of the sharp-edged skyline made the terror of the ascent worthwhile.
Many of us, in marriage, long for mountaintop moments. Those times of shared success, satisfaction, and celebration. Times when the nail-biting drive of daily life is behind us for a while and forgotten, and all we can think about is the happiness of the moment.
A honeymoon can be that kind of experience: the rush of shared sex, the joy of loving someone and being loved in return, the bright hopes for years of happiness together.
The birth of a child can be a mountaintop: the wonder of little eyes opening for the first time, the sacred squall of a newborn's first cry, the way an infant can bring parents and in-laws together.
A dream vacation can be a mountaintop: time to relax and enjoy each other and a beautiful place, without worries, without work.
It's tempting to think of married life as a continual climb, looking for the next mountaintop. We may tell ourselves that most of life is lived in the valleys, but we hope we're on the road to another mountaintop experience, and that we'll get there before too long.
Or, after too many years on the switchbacks, we can lose hope that we'll ever see another mountaintop. Some couples sink into dreary stagnation: "Our marriage is what it is. Not bad enough to end, but we're not finding any mountaintops."
But is marriage best seen as a series of mountaintop and valley experiences? Mountaintops that never last long enough, and valleys that seem endless?
"Why does life have to be a series of ups and downs?" one young woman put it. "Why can't I just go from one mountaintop to another, from one up to an upper up?"
I understand her attitude, and I've shared it. The only difference is that I told myself, "I'm realistic enough to know you have to go down before you can go up again." But I still kept looking for the peak experiences, even if
Originally published in: Marriage Partnership, 2007, Spring, Page 20
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