The Mystery of Oneness

Two become one even if it doesn't feel that way

By Mike Mason

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I've often pondered the strange idea of oneness. Of all the mysteries of marriage, oneness strikes me as the deepest and most beautiful. So deep and beautiful, in fact, that for many years, I knew (or thought I knew) that my wife, Karen, and I didn't have oneness in our marriage.

Why? Because Karen and I share much in common. But not that much. The greatest correspondence is our shared faith, which makes up for a great deal. But even here, there are dramatic differences in the way we think about and practice our faith. The wonder is that we get along at all.

So for many years, I felt that although Karen and I were married, we weren't connected as one. After all, it certainly didn't feel that way.

True oneness is distinguished less by its sameness than by its differences.

But not too long ago I discovered the error of my thoughts. Whether or not I feel one with my wife isn't the issue, because oneness isn't based on a feeling. The truth is that Karen and I are, in fact, one.

From the moment we exchanged vows, God made us one. This is what marriage is; the very word means a joining or uniting. And therein lies a way in which marriage reflects our relationship with God. From the moment a person believes in Christ he's united to God in spirit, yet it's the work of a lifetime to realize fully this oneness in daily life.

All progress in spirituality comes not from striving to be closer to God, but rather from realizing and accepting that already we're one with him. Already Christ lives in us by faith. Already we've been reconciled to God through the blood of Jesus.

Surprisingly, this same topsy-turvy wisdom applies to marriage. We've already given our life to the other person. The words and the rings have been exchanged. There's no going back. Yet neither need we move an inch in order to advance. It's a matter of realizing what has already taken place.

The unity of love cannot be forged anew, for it was never forged in the first place. It was given. Suddenly it was there, and it hasn't gone anywhere.

What keeps a marriage healthy is that everything comes down to a recognition of this truth: A husband and wife are one, as Christ and the Spirit are one.

Strength in weakness

At the beginning of creation God saw one thing that wasn't good: "The Lord God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone'" (Genesis 2:18).

God identified an incompleteness in his creation, and the answer to this was Eve. Eve was created (and with her, the order of marriage) to make humanity and all of creation strong and complete.

Through vulnerability comes strength, for God's "power is made perfect in weakness" (2 Corinthians 12:9). Paradoxically, marriage makes people stronger by making them more vulnerable. Vulnerability allows for intimacy—or as the word is sometimes rendered, into-me-see. Marriage exploits the fact that humans are not opaque, but are full of holes. Eyes, mouths, ears, sexual orifices are the channels for intimate communion. Through our cracks, love seeps in.

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Originally published in: Marriage Partnership, 2005, Summer, Page 18

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