Marriage Junk Mail

Its seductive promises of a better life fed my discontent.

by Christa Rose Bartlett

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I wasn't looking for trouble. My husband wasn't around, and something enticing snagged my glance. Although I knew better, my curiosity was aroused.

His disarming introduction made me feel special, as if he'd chosen me from millions. I lingered on his seductive descriptions of escape from my commitments. I could stop any time, I justified. Would it be so terrible to respond? He was right; I deserved better.

I owed it to myself to seize this opportunity.

"It's the chance of a lifetime. You could be our next winner!"

I barely had time to wonder who wrote these sweepstakes letters before I was clasping the reply envelope and saying yes!

I was searching for a stamp, when I stopped. What am I doing? I thought, appalled at almost falling for the scheme. Sighing and ignoring the whispers that I was throwing away lifelong happiness and freedom, I tossed the junk mail in the trash, determined not to consider it again. Or so I thought.

Later that evening when my husband came home, our conversation began with our to-do list, then somehow death-spiraled into complaints about my "clutter tolerance" and the number of frozen pizzas we consumed. I retorted that perhaps he would prefer a maid to a lover—and that

I deserved a husband who would better appreciate me.

What am I doing? The familiar words sprang from my memory of that morning. I was falling for it again. Only this time, it was more treacherous junk mail—it was the deceptive junk mail of marriage.

A sucker every minute

If marriage junk mail were tangible, it might be a glossy flyer or an internet pop-up featuring suggestive beach scenes. "You deserve to be happy" the tagline might read, or "Do what you want for once."

Imagine links guaranteeing an emotionally attentive spouse or freedom from your greatest worries. Would you click?

I picture the junk mail of marriage as Satan's propaganda of fulfillment found outside of God. His intended audience is couples with weaknesses that he can exploit; his goal is distraction from what's important. And just like those endless brochures and sweepstakes offers, marriage junk mail targets our natural dissatisfaction.

Why do we grasp at anything but God when our marriages demand work? The mental junk we squirrel away becomes a twisted comfort: a good-looking colleague's compliment. A competitive couple's misfortune. An intrusive in-law's embarrassment.

As a Christian, my defenses are tested by a barrage of media messages. I choose what I allow into my mind and home, for better or worse.

Even committed couples can fall for it.

"I've been working hard all day too. Why can't we go out for dinner?" I griped. Giving up a career I loved to stay home with our son, I missed the measurable success and salary. Clutching the junk mail of entitlement, I disregarded the fine print of resentment and ingratitude.

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Originally published in: Marriage Partnership, 2007, Winter, Page 18

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