Spiritually Alone
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[0 Comment]Recently, I spoke with two women who were concerned about connecting spiritually with their husbands. One woman's husband wasn't a Christian; the other woman's husband was, but wasn't interested in growing spiritually. They asked, "How can we bond spiritually with our spouses if they don't want to join us?"
While it's disheartening when your spouse doesn't express the same interest in faith as you do, there are still practical, effective things you can do to encourage a deeper faith connection in your marriage.
I've written these 10 tips from the perspective of wives with spiritually disinterested spouses, but the story can easily go the other way—a husband with a spiritually disinterested wife.
1. Present your case. First, tell your spouse you want to discuss something important with him and ask when a good time to discuss it would be.
Before you make your case for wanting to bond spiritually with him, consider these things: (1) Avoid making an emotional argument for your case. Instead, make your approach logical and practical. Most people, especially men, don't respond to emotion or any direct, forceful approach. Your point is not to pressure or appear spiritually superior—turn-offs that won't lead to success. (2) Understand that he won't respond right away. He won't say, "Honey, great idea! I wish I'd thought of this spiritual bonding stuff. Let's do it. Take my hand, and let's pray right now."
When you sit down to talk, ask him to hear you out, and tell him you don't want him to respond now. (This gives your spouse time to process what you've said.)
Present your case in a simple, straightforward, and brief way. Don't go more than 5-10 minutes. Tell him your marriage isn't what it could be. It's missing something—and after much thought, you realize it's spiritual intimacy. Then cover the benefits: By spending time together praying, reading the Bible, and attending church, it will help you grow spiritually as individuals; it will create physical and emotional intimacy in your marriage; and it will lead to God's blessing. Perhaps even mention, "If you could come to church with me and the kids even just a couple times a month, we'd have more family time together. And we could go to your favorite restaurant after church each time."
Finish by asking him to think about what you've said. Ask him to give you a response when he's ready. There's a high likelihood that he won't get back to you. That's okay, because you've clearly stated the need, established spiritual bonding as a priority, and set the stage for the other strategies.
2. Be a dynamic Christian. The Bible teaches that it's possible to win a spouse to Christ without even saying a word (1 Peter 3). While you can't make a person want to be spiritual, you can draw your spiritually apathetic spouse to Christ by exhibiting a faith that's alive and authentic.
Originally published in: Marriage Partnership, 2003, Winter
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