Witnessing to Neighbors
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[0 Comment]Most people, when they move, picture the ideal neighborhood: friendly couples, with well-behaved children, who drop by (always at the perfect time) with a plate of cookies—or perhaps to mow your lawn.
What we get, too often, falls far short of residential utopia: streets and subdivisions full of busy people who barely have enough time and energy to tend to their own lives, let alone take an active interest in their neighbors'. On a good day, we get eye contact and a quick wave. On a bad day, we get the guy from three houses down stomping across our back yard, swearing at Elvis, his loose beagle. (Hey, at least we know the dog's name now.)
And we feel guilty: Guilty that we don't find the time—or more often, the courage—to knock on a neighbor's door or approach them in the yard. Guilty that our neighborhoods seem cold and unfriendly and that we're not helping matters. And, most importantly for Christian couples, guilty that our home is not a beacon for a neighborhood full of lost souls.
All of which begs questions. How can we establish connections and, eventually, real, caring friendships with the people behind those doors and across those fences? How can we be strong Christian witnesses to our neighbors without coming off as the too-perfect-to-be-true Flanders family from The Simpsons?
Looking for opportunities
John and Sheri Winters have moved several times, from Nebraska to California to Illinois and, finally, to suburban Grand Rapids, Michigan, where John's a physician and Sheri's a homemaker and mom to their three boys.
"When we moved here, it was December," Sheri says. "In Michigan, everyone hibernates. So if you see your neighbor going out to the mailbox you think, Now's my opportunity! I'll grab my boots and go get my mail, like it's a coincidence."
Chance meetings happen much more, well, by chance, when the weather's warmer. But the idea remains the same: Look for opportunities to connect with neighbors without bugging them.
"Most people are so afraid to interfere with someone's space," John says. "But you almost have to do that—unless you find that someone really does not want you in their space, then you sort of sense that. But if you just assume that no one wants you in their space, then you end up taking a long time to get to know each other."
Leslie Levine, author of Will This Place Ever Feel Like Home? (Contemporary Books), knows about that dilemma. "You never want to intrude on someone's privacy or their time," she says, "but sometimes what eventually becomes a strong friendship starts out as just a wave or a 'hi' or borrowing something.
"Being naturally shy is an obstacle, but don't make it an excuse," Levine says. "You might give yourself a nudge here and there and say, 'I've got to go outside of who I usually am and just try.'"
Originally published in: Marriage Partnership, 2002, Summer
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