Flip Sides
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When my husband, Pete, and I were first dating, we laughed when we discovered each other's favorite Winnie the Pooh characters. Mine is Eeyore: the sweet, sensitive donkey, quietly munching on thistles and bemoaning the loss of his tail—again. Pete's is Tigger: the scene-stealing, eternally bouncy, silly orange tiger.
Clearly we'd chosen each other wisely.
As with all analogies, this one's not precise. Pete doesn't mope around saying, "Woe is me." He's just the guy in the corner, keeping his thoughts to himself, watching the world with his big, soulful eyes.
And I don't bounce into every room singing (unless I've had an extra cup of coffee). But I am goofy, and I feel things deeply, and I let the world know about them. Rather loudly.
I adore Pete's Eeyore-ness. It settles my heart, much like a warm cup of cocoa at the end of a cold, windy day. And apparently he's fond of my Tiggerish traits. Either that, or I heard him wrong when I thought he proposed, and he was too polite to correct me. I wouldn't put it past him.
But here's the tricky part: when we were dating, and through the first few years of our marriage, I relished his quietness, his ability to let things slide without pitching a fit, his careful decision-making. So why do I now complain about his "silence," his "lack of assertiveness," and his "foot-dragging"?
It seems to me that every trait has a flip side. Just as a nickel has Thomas Jefferson's profile on one side and Monticello on the other, Pete's gentleness is inseparable from his hesitation to make waves. I can't have one without the other any more than I can take Jefferson's face and leave Monticello behind.
When I first started this article, I sent Pete an e-mail at work and asked him to tell me the flip sides of my Tigger traits. In my email, I explained the concept, told him not to be scared of telling me the truth (it's not like I don't annoy myself plenty, thank you), and signed off with "Thanks—and hurry if you can."
I didn't expect him to come up with much—can you imagine Eeyore telling Tigger to pipe down? Pete's eventual response: "All I can think of right now is impatience."
Shall I remind you how I closed my original email? Hurry. There was no way for me to deny the obvious, so I laughed. Then I followed the laugh with a few moments of deep sadness, since impatience truly is the worst thing about me, leading to impulsive (stupid) decisions as well as temper tantrums that hurt the people I love.
Before I started thinking about this concept of flip sides, I might have been angry that he had come up with only one thing. I had asked him for examples. Plural. But Pete is Pete. He's not going to write out a comprehensive list, sorted from most annoying to least.
Of course, it could be that I have only one annoying trait. Maybe. Okay, no.
Related Topics:
Acceptance, Marriage, Compatibility, Marriage, Lessons, Personality
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Average User Rating:
Mai 2
I can relate so much to the author. Thanks for sharing your story.
Anonymous
Very very cute article! Like the writer, I too have many annoyance nerve endings and am impulsive while my husband usually lets things go (which sometimes drives me crazy). Thanks for showing me how our differences can be accepted and embraced.
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