Whatever Happened to Dinner and a Movie?

You can still pick a flick without alienating your spouse or compromising your values

Jim Killam

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A trip to the video store is a little like searching for a diamond in a vat of pig slop. You know there's something good in there somewhere, but is finding it worth wallowing through all that muck?

My wife and I crave adult entertainment now and then. Not adult in the genre of, say, Showgirls, but adult in terms of a movie that isn't a cartoon musical and doesn't feature annoyingly cute kids or a dog that shoots free throws with his nose. Trouble is, there isn't much out there that doesn't slap at our sensibilities and values.

Our friends, Lincoln and Ann, married three years, face the same dilemma. They sometimes rent movies and don't consider themselves prudish. Yet a fixed standard is hard to determine.

"If you don't let a couple of things like swearing slide, then there's nothing to rent," Lincoln says. "What if you were to set a standard going by the Bible, which says 'whatever is right, whatever is pure … think about such things'? If you were to take that [standard] into the video store, I don't think you'd walk out with anything."

Hmm. Do I stop writing here and just end with "Thus saith the Lord"? Some couples we know take that position on movies, and I can't say it's an unhealthy approach.

Here's the thing, though: my wife and I really enjoy watching movies together. And so do a lot of other couples we know. With a little effort, we can find titles we agree on that actually enhance our relationship. High prices generally keep us away from the theater, but once in a while we enjoy curling up and watching a video together. Makes for a cheap date, even with the microwave popcorn thrown in.

Even though video dates bring spouses together, they also drag us into a gray area: what's appropriate and what isn't?

But even though video dates bring spouses together, they also drag us into a gray area: when it comes to entertainment, what's appropriate and what isn't? Is it okay to watch Mel Gibson splitting open an enemy's head in Braveheart? Clint Eastwood and Meryl Streep engaging in an extramarital affair in The Bridges of Madison County? A convicted murderer, played by Sean Penn, spewing foul-mouthed bigotry when befriended by a nun in Dead Man Walking?

All of those films, depending on whom you ask, have something positive to offer adult viewers. And every one of them, according to other observers, contain material inappropriate for anyone with a conscience.

"Every couple is different, but the one thing you can agree on is that we don't have that much time to spend together," says Michael Medved, radio talk show host, former cohost of PBS's "Sneak Previews" and author of the book Hollywood vs. America (HarperCollins). "If we decide to spend time watching something, let's limit it to something that might enrich our lives—maybe it makes us laugh, teaches us about history or just broadens our sense of what it means to be alive."

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Originally published in: Marriage Partnership, 1998, Summer

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