Put Sex on My To-do List?
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I'd returned from running errands one afternoon when I walked into the house and saw my husband give me "The Look." The screen door banged behind me as my twin preschoolers ran over to me and wrapped themselves around each leg, squealing with delight. As I reached down to hug them, my husband gave me his signature shake of the head and said, "Hey, honey … " And I, as usual, rolled my eyes as I peeled the girls off my legs.
If your husband's anything like mine, you know what the "dot, dot, dot" means. Those little punctuation marks come at the most inconvenient times! I mean, come on, I'd just picked up the dry cleaning, bought his cousin a wedding gift, found new shoes for our twins, shopped for his favorite food for dinner that night. And now this—another chore. I was cranky and still had laundry to do. Not to mention I could hear my pillow calling in the distance.
But God had some lessons for me that night, and many more nights to follow. As I continued to shrug off my husband's sexual advances, tension continued to build. I grew colder, and he continually felt rejected. It was time to face the facts: I didn't want to have sex. I was too busy, too tired, and flat out didn't have the desire. I had two little people calling my name all day, wiping their noses on my pants, and vying for their turn on my lap. When the twins' bedtime arrived, I wanted personal space. Sex wasn't something I needed or wanted, so it wasn't high on my list of priorities. I was annoyed that sex always seemed to be something my husband wanted.
When we were first married, lovemaking wasn't a problem. In fact, it was a priority. We were so blissfully in love! How was it possible there would come a day I wouldn't desire my husband? Insert twin newborns, house upkeep, his graduate program, our church commitments, my home office, and somehow in all the mayhem I'd said "sayonara" to sex. But after I emerged from the haze of our new responsibilities, I remembered I had a spouse—not a roommate. The lovemaking that seemed so easy before had to be scheduled in, and what was romantic about that? It was hardly worth it to me.
We'd been married 8 years, and we could have 50 more to go! Something had to give.
I felt weird praying about sex, but I did. By God's grace, he reminded me of his words in Philippians 4:6, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanks-giving, present your requests to God." He didn't say "everything minus sex"—he said "everything." I forged on. My pray-ers included requests for in-creased desire and willingness on my part, but mostly for my husband to stop asking so much.
As I continued to pray daily for a solution to our "sex problem," I also talked to my close Christian girlfriends about the issue when we were at lunch together. Was I surprised! This taboo subject ignited a discussion in which everyone talked at once with hands flying. The "uh-huhs" of agreement were loud and clear!
Originally published in: Today's Christian Woman, 2002, March/April, Vol. 24, Issue 2, Page 68
Related Topics:
Desire, Husbands, Marriage, Men, Needs, Passion, sexual, Prayer, priorities, Selfishness, sex
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Cheryl
Nice to know this is a topic in discussion! It's very hard to make time to have "private time" even when your kids are grown up and hardly home. With more than one business, trying to finish a degree, and transitioning into our 50's we both find it hard to get up the energy and make the time. The thoughts are there but we're just too pooped! Sometimes I do feel though that I want sex more than my husband, it often seems as if I'm approaching him more than vice versa…plus I need a bit of "prepping" in terms of compliments etc to feel sexy for him which he is not in the habit of doing. So - I guess it's time to really make this a prayer priority all the way around. Thanks for the honesty!
Tami
It would be nice if the assumption were not that sex is what men want and women give. It would be nice once in a while to see how to solve that problem the other way around: a man who doesn't want to have sex and a wife who constantly feels rejected.
NClovebeds
The most important part here is the attitude of servanthood towards one another. Serve selfishlessly!!
Keneetswe Jane
I really cant deny that i have been inspired by this article.I felt shy most of the times to ask god to give me strength to satisfy my hubby's sexual desire. This is a great start indeed. Hooray!
Tonisha
This is something I really needed to read. Something like confirmation. I've prayed to become more open because of the "busyness" of life, now I have my answer, and I must act. Thank you Jill!
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