Real Sex
Average Rating: Not rated
[0 Comment]A friend told me that using sex "toys"—things like leather undergarments and battery-operated devices—has turned his sex life around. I admit it sounds interesting, but I wonder if he is seeking more out of sex than God intends for us to experience. And don't these sex toys create a sense of dissatisfaction with basic, unaided intercourse?
Louis and Melissa: Our own taste in romantic props runs more along the lines of lace and candle-power than leather and battery-operated gadgets. Within reason, outside "props" can make a positive contribution. But we have real concerns about relying on certain tools and sexual toys to accomplish dynamite sex.
One problem is that these devices have to be upgraded over time to provide the same level of excitement. In itself, this isn't necessarily evil or destructive. But for many couples it's a too-short step toward sado-masochistic practices. For the delicious pleasures of sexuality to be tainted by images of bondage or pain is far from what God designed sex to be.
Sexual pleasure should draw a husband and wife together in a powerful bond that helps them become "one flesh." We don't think there is any way to get "more out of sex than God intends" in the positive realm. The intense, joyous release of orgasm, free from fear and fantasy, is a divine possibility to be sought.
If the magic has gone out of your sexual romance, the first place to look is at your relationship as a whole. Are there ways to improve your feelings of passion, such as spending a quiet evening together away from the kids? You may be losing interest in passionate sex because you're harboring unresolved anger or heavy disappointments. Clearing those up can release tremendous energy for sexual enjoyment.
Next, evaluate your sexual interaction. Talk through the things you do before and during sex. Maybe what worked years ago no longer seems all that exciting. Have you stopped talking about what brings about erotic feelings? If you come to bed exhausted and settle for a "quickie" night after night, it may be time to invest new energy into the system. Whistles and bells and leather undies aren't going to overcome physical exhaustion.
Whatever you do to enhance your sexual enjoyment, be sure it draws you more deeply into passionate oneness with your mate and doesn't create barriers in your relationship with God. If something as innocent as lace and candlelight builds images of unhealthy, adulterous liaisons, it's as dangerous as chains and whips. On the other hand, a little leather and some new lighting may rekindle passionate love.
One final caution: Keep in mind who reaps the profits from the sale of sexual "toys." If purchasing these devices feeds the pornography industry, we recommend a boycott!
Originally published in: Marriage Partnership, 1996, Winter
More from Louis and Melissa McBurney :
Kyria.com | Books
Join the Kyria.com Community!
Become a member to have access to the following:
- Full access to the bimonthly Kyria digizine, each issue focusing on a spiritual discipline or theme
- 50 percent discount on all of the downloadable resources in the Kyria Store
- Hundreds of members-only articles for thoughtful, influential women
downloadable guides
Sabbath Rest in a World of Stress
Practical insights for how to live a life that honors the spirit of Sabbath-rest.
The Mentoring Series: Nancy Ortberg
Discover leadership principles from a well-known author and respected leader.Browse More Guides
back to top
Average User Rating: Not rated
Rate & Comment on this article *