Get Away To Get Together

A trip for two holds more than a little R&R for your marriage.

Annette LaPlaca

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There are all kinds of sources for marriage advice out there: magazines, books, videos, seminars. And the marriage gurus dole out lots of advice. Granted, some of their tips are things that take nerve and willful determination to put into practice in your marriage. (I can't imagine my husband and me actually putting a "love jar" on our dining room table or discussing things while sitting knee-touching-knee in two straight-backed chairs!) But there's one marriage advice standby that I'm ready and willing to put into practice: the recommendation for couples to get away together. Thanks—I'd love to!

Getaway weekends or vacations are great for your marriage. When you hit the road—just the two of you and just for fun—you're building your marriage for today and for your future together.

You Belong Together

My husband, David, and I undertook our first road trip together before we were even engaged. I helped him drive his ancient, rusty Buick stuffed with most of his earthly possessions from Chicago to Oklahoma City, where he was starting graduate school. It was a depressing trip: my boyfriend was moving 800 miles away, and then two car-repair incidents turned what should've been a fourteen-hour trip into a twenty-two-hour one. When, at 4:00 a.m., we drove into the driveway of the family we planned to stay with, I felt like jumping out of that Buick and kissing the driveway. Later, David told me he thought it was a great test of our relationship. If we could spend a stressful twenty-two hours together without wanting to kill each other, our future looked pretty bright.

Getting away together reinforces your sense of belonging to one another. You get away from your families, your church friends, your work, and neighborhood contacts, and it's just the two of you ready to share adventures. You zip down the road (or rails or airways) in your own little world. Everything else is "out there."

Then, whatever happens on your trip together, happens to the two of you as a team.

David and I have had our walks on the wild side—and we've learned some interesting things about each other in the process. Once, when we had a flat along a lonely stretch of road at about 2:00 a.m., a verifiable psycho stopped to "help" us. My normally gentle husband whispered to me, "Pick up the shovel, and don't put it down until he's gone."

Your time away together gives your personalities free reign for a while. The two of you can make those travel hours your own in whatever ways you like best: sing along with your favorite music, listen to books on cassette, play serious or silly car games (we play Password and Auto Bingo and word games).

Remember Why You Got Married in the First Place

My friend Betty claims her getaway weekends with her husband, Jon, remind them of what they like about each other. She says being alone with Jon takes her "back to pre-kid days and even dating days." Since they live in Alabama, they make a short trip to Montgomery for the Alabama Shakespeare Festival, where they stay in a historic bed-and-breakfast called "The Lattice Inn."

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Originally published in: Marriage Partnership, 2001, Summer

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