Keep Sex Fun

Use these 13 tips!

by Gary and Barbara Rosberg

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During an interview with Christian sex therapists Clifford and Joyce Penner, e-Harmony founder Neil Clark Warren asked, "What percentage of couples can attain a mutually satisfying sexual relationship?" The Penners responded, "100 percent of them. We've never worked with a single married couple whom we felt were incapable of attaining a high level of sexual satisfaction with each other."

Couples often ask us how to keep the excitement in sex. Our answer: Stay connected. Being connected body to body and heart to heart is what makes sex fulfilling and fun. Here are 13 ways you and your spouse can have more passion.

1. Kiss deeply.

Do you remember the kind of kissing you did when you first fell in love? Do you still kiss that deeply and passionately? Rediscover passionate kissing. Take your time. Enjoy the touch and taste of each other's lips.

2. Bask in the afterglow.

Savor the closeness you feel after having sex. Stay in each other's arms. Tell your spouse how good it felt and how much you love him or her. This is one of the most intimate times as a couple.

3. Become a student of your spouse's sexual zones.

One episode of the sitcom Friends dealt with the different erogenous zones. The characters were discussing sex outside the context of marriage, which, of course, we don't condone. However, the scriptwriters made an interesting point about males and females. Monica and Rachel identified seven erogenous zones. Chandler said, "You're kidding. I thought there were four." One of the women replied, "See, that's your problem. You go one, two, four. You're missing three, five, six. Oh! And toes! Seven."

A woman has more erogenous zones than just her breasts and vagina. Explore with her, and discover where she's most responsive. Kiss, stroke, or caress each body part. Ask, "How does this feel? Does it make you tingle? What would make you feel even more tingly—if I caressed less or more?" Remember that although it's good to work toward climax, the journey is pretty unbelievable too.

4. Understand a wife's definition of satisfaction.

"I don't get it, Gary," Doug told me at a conference. "I do everything I can think of in bed, but Janet doesn't usually have an orgasm."

"Does that bother Janet?"

"No. She seems content. I don't get that either."

"That's because many women are still satisfied with sex, even when they don't have an orgasm."

Doug stared blankly at me. "Huh?"

Husbands, if you want to satisfy your wife, shift your definition of satisfaction. Of course, wives love to climax (who doesn't?), but they can enjoy the lovemaking experience even when they don't reach that place.

Many women enjoy the sensuality of cuddling, kissing, and touching every bit as much as they enjoy the thrill of a climax. Women's sexual pleasure occurs on many levels other than simply orgasm.

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Originally published in: Marriage Partnership, 2006, Winter, Page 38

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