Friends & Lovers
"Some anniversary," I muttered, curled on the edge of the couch, tears falling. Our evening had begun with a celebratory dinner, but had ended with a poorly timed argument. My husband, Rob, and I had gone to bed frustrated. We'd rolled over without even a kiss—a far cry from our wedding night nine years earlier.
Suddenly overwhelmed by the realization I was nearly a decade into my marriage and I'd never felt lonelier, I got out of bed and padded into our living room to cry and think, instead of snuggling in bed beside my husband.
The truth was, when I vowed to spend my life with Rob, I believed God would use our marriage as an encouragement to many. But lately we didn't even know how to encourage each other. Our laughter had diminished to criticism, dreams had been traded for duties, and play had been replaced with practicality.
Over the years, we'd talked frequently about needing more time together, but allowed busy schedules and slim babysitting funds to justify our failure to change. Rob's complaints about my "long-lost lingerie" gradually evolved into sheer apathy over our diminishing intimacy; my concerns over our waning emotional connection emerged as a critical spirit. A journal entry I penned in our eighth year of marriage warned of the chasm growing between us: "I feel as though Rob and I live in two different worlds. We no longer share a common vision or a common ministry. What's happening to us?"
I longed for my marriage to know the "hope and a future" God promised in Jeremiah 29:11. Finally, in desperation, I cried out, "Lord, you're the One who joined Rob and me together. Surely you've planned something better than this!" I questioned. I raged. I cried. Then, when I finally fell still, God surprised me with his response: Are you ready to change?
Me? I thought. What about Rob?
But my arguments ran dry; our rut was too deep, and someone had to take the first step out. "Yes, Lord," I sighed. And he slowly showed me what he had in mind.
From the moment I agreed to change, I realized I couldn't be the wife God called me to be on my own. Several times a day I began echoing the plea penned by Stormie Omartian in her book The Power of a Praying Wife: "Give my husband a new wife, and let it be me!" I started surrendering every area of my relationship with Rob in prayer: the words I spoke; the tone I used in his presence; the thoughts I entertained about him in his absence; even our physical intimacy. One morning as I sat in prayer, God prompted me to begin jotting down daily all the things I love about Rob. While I secretly wondered how I might fill the page, the list grew with each passing day. With renewed hope, I echoed the cry of the psalmist to the Lord, "I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation" (Psalm 5:3).
Originally published in: Today's Christian Woman, 2007, January/February, Vol. 29, Issue 1, Page 34
Related Topics:
Companionship, Intimacy, Loneliness, Marriage, Distance in, Marriage, Friendship in, Mentoring, Passion, Praying Wife, Rejuvenation
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Average User Rating:
Mike
An excellent article and reminder of how we need to keep working on our marriage to keep the shine in them. Too often the polish on our marriages becomes dull and instead of bringing out the shining cloth, we settle for a dull mediocre marriage. Thanks for a great tune-up.
D.Ann
I, too, don't know how people make a marriage work without the Lord. I can honestly say, "I'm a CONTINUED work in progress." No where near am I a Proverbs wife. I felt compelled to purchase The Love Dare book and am still on Day 1. I finally broke down several weeks ago and asked Him to take charge of my heart and mind towards my husband. It's a daily battle but I feel Him with me more now since my prayer. When we first married (we're older), I told my husband I'm praying for 50 years of marriage. I'm still praying...even four years later.
samie joe
I really apprieciate the open and honestness here. It gives hope to others. I'm just glad that he came out to find his wife. Mine is still at the point (it) whatever it is, is my fault. I am really Greatful for the bible verses. I will use them and I think I have that book by Stormie, too.
Cheryl
What are some things that I can do to help my marriage? The communication is not very good. I feel like he cares more about work and school than me. And he is touchy in public but every time I bring it up he stops everything and I feel like I am wrong for telling him how I feel. So then I drift further away especially in the bedroom.
Misty
This is just what I needed today. Thanks! Sometimes I feel like my marriage is the only one with "issues." I really don't know how people do it without the LORD!
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