Friends & Lovers
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"Some anniversary," I muttered, curled on the edge of the couch, tears falling. Our evening had begun with a celebratory dinner, but had ended with a poorly timed argument. My husband, Rob, and I had gone to bed frustrated. We'd rolled over without even a kiss—a far cry from our wedding night nine years earlier.
Suddenly overwhelmed by the realization I was nearly a decade into my marriage and I'd never felt lonelier, I got out of bed and padded into our living room to cry and think, instead of snuggling in bed beside my husband.
The truth was, when I vowed to spend my life with Rob, I believed God would use our marriage as an encouragement to many. But lately we didn't even know how to encourage each other. Our laughter had diminished to criticism, dreams had been traded for duties, and play had been replaced with practicality.
Over the years, we'd talked frequently about needing more time together, but allowed busy schedules and slim babysitting funds to justify our failure to change. Rob's complaints about my "long-lost lingerie" gradually evolved into sheer apathy over our diminishing intimacy; my concerns over our waning emotional connection emerged as a critical spirit. A journal entry I penned in our eighth year of marriage warned of the chasm growing between us: "I feel as though Rob and I live in two different worlds. We no longer share a common vision or a common ministry. What's happening to us?"
I longed for my marriage to know the "hope and a future" God promised in Jeremiah 29:11. Finally, in desperation, I cried out, "Lord, you're the One who joined Rob and me together. Surely you've planned something better than this!" I questioned. I raged. I cried. Then, when I finally fell still, God surprised me with his response: Are you ready to change?
Me? I thought. What about Rob?
But my arguments ran dry; our rut was too deep, and someone had to take the first step out. "Yes, Lord," I sighed. And he slowly showed me what he had in mind.
From the moment I agreed to change, I realized I couldn't be the wife God called me to be on my own. Several times a day I began echoing the plea penned by Stormie Omartian in her book The Power of a Praying Wife: "Give my husband a new wife, and let it be me!" I started surrendering every area of my relationship with Rob in prayer: the words I spoke; the tone I used in his presence; the thoughts I entertained about him in his absence; even our physical intimacy. One morning as I sat in prayer, God prompted me to begin jotting down daily all the things I love about Rob. While I secretly wondered how I might fill the page, the list grew with each passing day. With renewed hope, I echoed the cry of the psalmist to the Lord, "I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation" (Psalm 5:3).
Originally published in: Today's Christian Woman, 2007, January/February, Vol. 29, Issue 1, Page 34
Related Topics:
Companionship, Intimacy, Loneliness, Marriage, Distance in, Marriage, Friendship in, Mentoring, Passion, Praying Wife, Rejuvenation
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Cathy
Great article, I too am reading Stormie Omartian's Power of a Praying Wife daily. I love it!! Married 14 years, I realized also that we need GOD every day every hour. I'm grateful that we can share with one another on ways to keep love, hope, and passion in our marriages.
Mary Brown(Registered User)
Great article. I don't think there is anything that works better to improve any marriage or situation than prayer. (Try it, Cheryl.) The biggest reason prayer works is because it works on me, first. Talking it over with the Lord I am first reminded of who He is, which gets my eyes off of me so He can work with me. The list of things I love about my husband is also a wonderful idea. The more I remember why I love him, the less I am focused on what I don't like. I can choose what I focus on and how I react.
Deb
This is a great article.It is just what God odered. I am into my 13th year of marriage.Three years ago I had a deep passion for marriages, especially christian marriages. This year The Lord and I started a prayer group for wives at our church . Every since it started, the enemy has been attacking me concerning my marriage. I am upset with my husband because of some choices that he made. There is a situation that has taken place, and our household has not been right.Please pray for me. I know that I can not be a blessing to other marriages if mine is not in order.I really don't want to bring shame to God.
Mike
An excellent article and reminder of how we need to keep working on our marriage to keep the shine in them. Too often the polish on our marriages becomes dull and instead of bringing out the shining cloth, we settle for a dull mediocre marriage. Thanks for a great tune-up.
D.Ann
I, too, don't know how people make a marriage work without the Lord. I can honestly say, "I'm a CONTINUED work in progress." No where near am I a Proverbs wife. I felt compelled to purchase The Love Dare book and am still on Day 1. I finally broke down several weeks ago and asked Him to take charge of my heart and mind towards my husband. It's a daily battle but I feel Him with me more now since my prayer. When we first married (we're older), I told my husband I'm praying for 50 years of marriage. I'm still praying...even four years later.
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