Making a Connection
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[0 Comment]Life isn't always predictable," an old proverb says. I think I'd change that to "Life is never predictable—except for all the things you have to do." If we could take a few things out of the equation—such as work, finances, church or community service, and household duties—having time to develop more closeness with a spouse would be so much easier. Add to that the people equation—friends, family, coworkers, and children—and even more gets in the way of your couple time.
So in the midst of such a busy life, how can you take your marriage to the next level of friendship and intimacy? Just try these seven quick, doable, guilt-free tips for a month, and watch your marriage soar!
1. Lighten up!
I've heard well-meaning people say, "Marriage is all hard work." Well, they're partially right. Dealing with another person's quirks, day in and day out, can be trying. However, many couples work so hard at making their marriage work that they lose the fun. After being married for 11 years, Peter and Ann felt their marriage had become stale and they wanted to grow closer. So they attended a marriage enrichment seminar and did the follow-up exercises from their workbook on their date nights. After a month, though, they both started to dread that time instead of enjoying it. "No wonder!" Peter says. "We were making our marriage all work and no play!" So the next time they had a date night, they went to the zoo and had a blast. No work, no heavy discussions, just fun.
So lighten up! Remember the silly, romantic things you did while dating—such as talking in funny accents, tickling or wrestling with each other, playing footsies under the dinner table, or kissing under the stars—and do them again. After all, laughter's still the best medicine—even for a marriage that isn't ailing.
2. Show your appreciation.
Who doesn't like a pat on the back? Yet, most often, the person we forget to thank is the one closest to us. Hey, he's my husband, you might think. He's supposed to do things such as take out the trash and shovel the driveway. Why should I thank him for that when I do the dishes all the time? But you'd be amazed how a little appreciation can fine-tune an already good relationship. One of the busiest—and happiest—couples I know is Annette and David. Although David works full-time and Annette freelances, and they have four young children, they're always doing nice things for each other to show their gratitude—such as decorating the dining room with balloons just to say, "Welcome home," or baking a favorite dessert to celebrate a hard-working mom.
Another couple sets aside five minutes each night before bed to tell each other "what I love about you." Even a tiny dose of appreciation reaps great rewards.
Originally published in: Marriage Partnership, 2003, Spring
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